No Obstacles, Only Challenges

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Within a Mile of Home- Flogging Molly

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
High Hopes- Pink Floyd

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
A Million Miles an Hour- Eastern Conference Champions

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Sick Boys- Social Distortion

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
When You Were Young- The Killers

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Kill You- Eminem

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Reach for the Sky- Social Distortion

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Black Dog- Led Zeppelin

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Sam's Town- The Killers

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Resistance- Muse

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
The Dirty Glass- Dropkick Murphys

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
State of the Union- Rise Against

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
We Believe- Good Charlotte

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LOVE?
Look in My Eyes- The Chantels

WHAT WILL/DID YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Rape Me- Nirvana

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
In Chains- Depeche Mode

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Until We Fall- Audioslave

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Anarchy in the U.K.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Breathe- Angels and Airwaves

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
I've Got You Under My Skin- Frank Sinatra

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Live Forever- Oasis

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
No Obstacles, Only Challenges- Wish FM

Tell Him About the Twinkie...

Nothing about the Twinkie is good. The cake part of the Twinkie is terrible, the crust part at the top (or bottom depending on how you hold it) probably has the most taste in it....but it's still crap, and the filling is downright awful. I can't remember the last time I wanted one, much less had one, until tonight.

I don't normally walk by any of the vending machines at work. There isn't anything in there worth getting aside from a pop every now and again, but I can bring the pop I like in with me, and pay a lot less for it. Well it just so happens that I was forced to walk by the vending machines tonight on my way in. Pretty much any time I go by them, I get a quick craving for something in there I like, maybe a Kit Kat or a Crunch bar or something like that. Tonight I craved a Twinkie as soon as I saw one in there. I damn near stopped in my tracks, wondering what that was all about, but kept on walking because nothing good could come out of having a Twinkie while sitting on my butt at work. The only thing that could, and did, come out of this was elimination of any doubt in my mind that I am, in fact, sick....because I'd never want one of those things if I wasn't.

Resolute

I always fight against using the word 'resolution' for anything I want to accomplish in a new year, but I don't know why I bother....it's all the same regardless of what I call it. Now I haven't given too much thought to these, but here are a few of my resolutions for 2011 off the top of my head.

First and foremost, I need to drop some weight and get in better shape. My diet is horrendous, I don't do much in terms of physical activity, and am slowly becoming a ticking timebomb here with my family heart history.

Next I want to return to blogging. 2010 was second in terms of my post count for any year, with 2009 being the top. But both of those years still fell short of the goal I have always shot for here, which is at least three posts per week. I always think that I have to wait until I have something profound to say before I start a post, but this is my effing blog....I can put anything and everything up here that I want. I don't think upping my post count with things I wouldn't normally post will take anything away from what I currently do, and I might actually surprise myself and come up with something TRULY profound when I am just babbling about something mundane. Hopefully we will see.

Another one kind of goes hand in hand with that last one. I want to make sure that I write at least 10-20 minutes every day. With access to plenty of computers on a daily basis, an awesome phone with e-mail/text/notepad capabilities, and my iPod which always has the notepad option and can email (better than my phone currently does) if I have a wi-fi connection. I just need to keep putting virtual pen to paper and see what comes out. I'd hate to think that my creativity could ever suffer, but I worry it might without regular exercise.

Speaking of regular exercise....my first two resolutions are a little more related than I first thought. I have a minimum number of gym visits I want to make this year, which is about 150. Basically three times a week, like my blog post goal. Truthfully, I'd like the number to be a lot higher than that, but it's a very obtainable goal to start with.

Another thing I really want to do is organize my house. I got quite the jump a couple weeks ago when I cleaned up the basement a bit so the AT&T installer could hook up our Uverse. Plenty of stuff down there got moved or thrown into a garbage bag. Unfortunately, more than half of those bags are still in my garage because only a couple can fit into my trash bin every week. It's gonna take another month or so to throw that all out, or to recycle all the damn cardboard I have down there....especially since recycling is only every other week now. No matter what, a lot more will be getting done around here now.

Well, that's all for now. Maybe I can come up with a few more to add here in the near future. Until then, I'll do what I can to make sure I don't fall behind on these.

2011

Don't waste your time,
or time will waste you.

Man Up

It's been almost three weeks since I clocked in at 255 and felt the need to tell the world, or just the few people who stalk me here, exactly how fat I had gotten. I haven't re-read that post yet, but I am sure it says something about what I want to do to trim down and blah blah blah. Well I do know that I intended to post my weight here a lot more often than I had as a way to motivate myself to lose more of it....and that hasn't happened yet either. I have so many good ideas, but never seem to follow through with them.

So here I lay ready to try and nap before another long, boring midnight shift. I am cozy warm in my bed, and since I am sans clothes I have no desire to get out of bed and put my feet on the cold wooden floor. But thinking about how I haven't posted my weight yet, I do have enough motivation to get my fat ass out of bed and check. My current weight is 251.5 lbs. Now, this is better than 255 of course, but considering I have been bouncing between 248 and 252 the last couple weeks, this is the higher end of my current weight spectrum. I know my lunch was huge and is sitting very heavy in my stomach right now, but I still should be a lot lower than this. I have so many things around me reminding me to lose the weight....now I just need to man up and do it.

Mad World

The first commercial I can remember seeing for a first person shooter type game that incorporated a song that really sold the commercial, and therefore the game, to me was the commercial for Vice City that used I Ran by A Flock of Seagulls, interspersed with gameplay clips. The ad was an attention getter, and the game absolutely rocked. Vice City wasn't a pure FPS game, but it was the first FPS type game I ever bought, and opened me up to a different kind of gaming.

Now I won't proclaim myself as a great FPS player, but I continue to get better with the gameplay as I seem to exclusively play Call of Duty when I turn on the 360, and my ability to strategize quickly and several steps ahead makes my learning curve a little less drastic. I think the multiple layers of strategy involved has greatly added to the addiction factor of CoD for me. When I bought Modern Warfare 2 last year I was pretty new to FPS games, completely new to online multiplayer FPS games, and a few years behind anyone who played CoD from the first title on. I got my ass handed to me for a while, but quickly adjusted to a lot of things in the game and the nuances of the different kinds of matches within the game, and was holding my own before I knew it, and saw that I could excel at times as well.

So, back from my gaming tangent now...this was intended to be about the use of songs in commercials for games, and how effective they seem. The title for this post actually comes from the song used in one of the best video game commercials I've seen. Gears of War used Mad World as the background for their gameplay clips, without using any of the game sounds. It was kind of eerie to watch, but definitely grabbed your attention seeing the contrast between the action of the game and the slow, quiet nature of the song. I liked it so much, I changed my profile picture on Myspace, yes I said Myspace, to the Gears of War symbol. Then again, I guess it couldn't have been all that great if I didn't actually buy the game.

When GTA came out with San Andreas, still one of my favorite games of all time, they used Welcome to the Jungle in one of the commercials that aired before the game ever came out, and I was even more geeked for it's release they I already was. Thankfully, the game lived up to the height and my expectations. I played that game for a long time after finishing the storyline for it. By comparison, I rarely played GTA 4 after completing the storyline...although it was the first game I ever tried Xbox live with, so it obviously served it's purpose for me.

Recently, with the CoD franchise releasing Black Ops, they used Gimme Shelter in a commercial that had real people, including some celebrities, acting out game scenarios. The ad hit the air approximately two weeks before the game was released. I was more or less lukewarm about the game up until that point, but the ad sucked me in and before I knew it, I was trying to find a place online to preorder the game.

I'm generally rather critical of advertising nowadays, but some of the ads I've seen for video games show that sometimes the advertisers just get it. Whether it's a song that just seems to fit, or Mr. T talking about hacking a game, some of these commercials can be outstanding pieces of work. Maybe the ad agencies for other products should take notice.

Photo Credit: Emrah Icten
Check out some of his other great images here.

Kirabaz

I only work two midnight shifts each week, and it seems like it gets harder and harder to get myself up and ready for them as the weeks go on....but tonight I was treated to something unexpected as I was getting ready that really made it easier for me to get moving, and made me smile.

After my shower I dumped Kira's dinner into her bowl and went on about my business, just like I did last night. She picked through her food as I threw on some clothes and made my own dinner. She finished her food as I was sitting down to eat, then of course joined me in the living room to sit and stare between my feet in the hopes that something will hit the floor....but since I wasn't eating much, she was out of luck there.

As I took my plate, glass, and fork to the kitchen, Kira jumped up and got in front of me. Though instead of escorting me to the kitchen as I expected, she ran into the computer room and dug out a stuffed animal from her cache' under the computer desk....the only Guinness-proof area of the house she has free access to. As I walked to my room from the kitchen, she met me in the hallway with the stuffed green frog and a playful bounce in her step. I haven't seen her do anything like that in months. The relief I felt was staggering.

Earlier in the day, I had a short conversation about how mothers will always have some sort of worry where their kids are concerned....well my dogs have always been like my kids, and I have been worried about Kira for a while. She is definitely not a winter dog, and has seemed to be a little more down lately than I would hope. Seeing her acting like this, though, made me smile from ear to ear and gave me a huge sense of relief. I hope to see plenty more of this behavior in the near future. I'm sure that would do wonders for my recent over-the-top stress levels.

I Can't Drive, 255

A few days ago I stepped on the scale, and was pretty horrified at what I saw. The first reading on my scale is usually a couple pounds high, but seeing a big 257.5 staring back at me really shocked me. I had thought I was hovering around 250, but to be hovering around 260 instead was a big surprise. After a couple more times on the scale, my weight ended up being a flat 255....which is still terrible, but seemed a little better to me than the original 257.5.

There are plenty of things I can attribute this weight gain to, including the lack of sleep and energy on this crazy work shift....but the bottom line is that it all boils down to me. I know what I need to do to keep from ballooning up to this weight, I just haven't done it. For a couple years I was somewhere in the 225-235 range, and kept it there without much effort on my part. That range was still at least 20-30 lbs more than I should weigh, but I could have my cake and eat it to at that range. Here I am another 20-30 lbs above that, so I must be eating a whole lot more than cake.

While the food is definitely a problem, the biggest change I can attribute this quick gain to is actually what I drink. I am pretty much addicted to the cherry Pepsi I get at the 7-11 by my house, and took my refillable cup there just about every day to get my 44 ounces of extra sweet cola. I haven't completely broken that habit yet, but in the last few days I have had a lot less cola. One thing that may help expedite this is that 7-11 changed the cherry syrup/Pepsi ratio, and it doesn't taste nearly as good to me anymore.

I don't like sounding like a broken record, but it's time to try the weight loss thing again. Maybe if I make a point of posting my weight every couple days or so, that will help. Everything is a little more real when it's written down. I have quite a few other things at my disposal to help me too, now it's just all on me to utilize those tools.

Get the Picture?

I can't stand looking at the bland, pictureless posts I've been putting up from my phone lately. I'm looking for a free app that will allow me to post pics with my phone, but until I can find something like that I am just gonna add pictures later. I may not use the same picture as I would in the moment, but at least it looks better and, makes it easier on me to be able to do it later than to search and search for a way to do it every time I want to post something from my phone.

SIlly Putty

Ending my blogging hiatus with a post about pain and my complaints about the pain I was dealing with, just didn't sit too well with me. The post before that easily could have been my very last on this blog, something I seriously considered for a while, and that would have been fine with me. But just having last night's post as the most recent for about 24 hours made me uneasy.

This blog has always been a reflection on or a representation of my life. More of an extension of the things happening around me actually, because of my thoughts about those events. Sometimes it's been dark, sometimes it's been downright whiney. Thankfully I have been blessed with the resilience and mental flexibility of silly putty so those times are few and far between, and don't last very long at all. And yes....I just compared my brain to silly putty. :-)

Now I am not here tonight to talk about how hunky dory everything is now, nor how it's always rainbows and butterflies....because that's just not the case. Life is life. It is what it is. The crazy Indian Summer rain today is still wreaking havoc on my joints, and my back is only slightly better than last night....but slowly getting worse as I sit here in this "ergonomic" chair. I'm really just here because I can't stand looking too long at the posts where I whine about how bad things are, when I truly believe I am one of the luckiest men in the world.

Due to the public nature of this blog, and the impact on my life that things I may say on this virtual platform could have in my real world life there have been many things I have withheld over the last few years. Sometimes I had wished that this blog was private so I could say whatever I really wanted instead of what was expected of me without worrying about the possible consequences, but that's really not the point of having this blog. I want to be able to share with those who honestly care about me everything I can possibly share, out in the open. One problem I encountered in the past was having someone in my life much too critical of things I say, or someone who would take things I said and run with them and make them into some extreme emotional issue. I've guarded, or flat out changed, much of what I've said here in the past because I knew I had certain readers who would just take things the wrong way, and I'd have to move directly into damage control mode soon thereafter. Oftentimes I didn't know how to express my true thoughts without getting a terrible amount of backlash.

Inevitably, over time, these relationships eroded and broke down. Having them behind me allows a greater amount of openness, and having someone in my life now who I am comfortable telling anything and everything means I never have to second guess what I post here. I'm very lucky to have found someone as loving and understanding as I have. Someone who truly cares about me in a way I've seen from my closest friends, but have never seen before from a girlfriend. The road ahead is long, and won't be without bumps, twists, or turns....but I can't think of anyone I would rather have along for the ride than the girl I've found to ride shotgun with me.

Pain to the 21st Degree

I've had some pretty bad pain days in my life. Honestly after blowing out my knee playing ball, I haven't had a single pain-free day. One way or another, my knee aches every day. It was a lot worse in my late teens and early twenties but even though it aches less than it used to, it can still be pretty significant. And just let the weather take a quick turn, and it'll get a hell of a lot worse. Something like that must have happened overnight too, because I woke up with an achey leg and one helluva sinus headache.

Having those pains isn't a big deal though, and I wouldn't even think twice about them if my back didn't decide to jump in the mix too. My back was sore after tossing and turning a good part of the morning, but sitting too long on the couch doing my FFL lineups and whatnot REALLY aggravated it. When I stood up to feed Kira, I hunched over and walked so slowly and awkwardly that Mark started giving me shit about being old. It was all good natured though as he has had plenty of issued with his own back and definitely knows my pain. Unfortunately, it just got worse from there.

Before even getting an hour in at work, my back started to spasm. Two Alleve have helped to dull it a bit, but every now and again I move in a way that almost brings me to my knees with pain. Get this; it hurts so bad that I don't even want to eat. Lol.

Now I just wish it stopped there. Everything seems to have conspired to plant a migraine into my head before I take off for the night. With an hour left, it's only gotten like halfway there though...so unless the drive home fully triggers it, I should be fine tonight.

For the most part I am very healthy, and I really hate typing all this garbage out...but it really has helped to distract me from these issues. Again, this blog has been free therapy for me. Who would have known this time it would be physical therapy.

Quote

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together...There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart...I'll always be with you.”

Winnie the Pooh

Aaaargh

Happy September 19th!

I'll enjoy celebrating this every year.

Iridescent

When you were standing in the wake of devastation,
When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown,
And with the cataclysm raining down,
Your insides crying, "Save me now",
You were there, impossibly alone.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration,
And let it go.
Let it go.

And in a burst of light that blinded every angel,
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars,
You felt the gravity of tempered grace,
Falling into empty space,
With no one there to catch you in their arms.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration,
And let it go.
Let it go.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration.
And let it go.
Let it go.

Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known.
Remember all the sadness and frustration.
And let it go.
Let it go.

Phoney

Without the normal access to blogger which I have become accustomed to, I'm pretty much relegated to using my phone to blog now if I want to get a post up. I can put up a normal post from my laptop or home computer of course, but with my work and school schedules turning my personal and sleep schedule pretty much on it's ear...the phone is the only chance I have to put up a post that would take anything more than a few minutes. Of course with my penchant for finding the perfect picture for each post and my strict editorial desire to choose each word precisely, my posts often take a LOT longer to write than they do to read. I could easily spend hours on a few decent paragraphs, depending on what I have going on around me.

Finding the best time to post was damn near a no brainer when I had unlimited access to my blogger account, but now I have dozens of notes here or there that I plan to post at a later date, but never get into a post because the mood which struck me to write about each subject passes. I have collected many more post fragments over the last few weeks than posts that have actually made it up onto the blog.

A few years ago, I considered migrating my free blog here to a site of my own. There were things I wanted to do at the time that this site wouldn't be able to handle, and I wanted to go a step further with a few new things. As with most of my ideas or plans, I probably either didn't follow through or something minor happened to derail my motivation before it ever got really rolling. Either case seems just as likely. If switching over to my own site would give me more opportunities to get my post, and my fragments, up on the blog...it just may be the right incentive to finally do it.

While not blogging at a regular pace is one side effect of my new schedule, one of my biggest concerns is how my schoolwork and study time will be affected. So far, I haven't fallen into the same pattern I did with the last class I took...but it's not been easy. Finding time to get my studying in is tough when I am constantly tired. Today was a tough day. Getting off work at 7am, trying to fight through the noise of the day to get SOME sleep before going to my 12:30 class, coming home to try another much needed nap, but falling short because of a still unresolved fantasy football problem, then brushing up on some class material before taking two quizes, then getting ready and heading into work at 11pm.

Thankfully tomorrow is an "off" day for me and gives me a chance to reset my sleep pattern to something resembling normal. It'll give me a chance to catch up on a few things I need to take care of too. The nicest thing will be not having to worry about making it to school or work on time...everything I do tomorrow will be something I WANT to do. Unfortunately, it seems like the weather won't cooperate for a long ride tomorrow...but I guarantee I will find a way to get at least one more good ride in before the month is over.

Blocked

So it seems my 9 to 5 has now set the filter to block blogger.com. I can still read public blogs, but any blog I need to sign in to read is now off limits. I also can't sign in to my profile, which means no more blog posts from the 9 to 5. As if I didn't have a hard time getting my posts in before...lets see how the post count goes from now on.

Preseason Week One

I'm not yet in serious NFL watching mode, although I never got there at all last season, but I did pay attention to a few preseason games this past weekend. First and foremost, I made sure to catch the Ravens opening game. As usual, their defense looks solid and they should be competitive all season so long as the offense is decent. If Flacco and company can perform as well as last year, they will be one of the top teams in the AFC again.

Of course I needed to watch the first Redskins game. Even though I wasn't going out to watch the game, it gave me a great reason to wear my new McNabb jersey since it'd be the first time I'd get to see him in action wearing his new jersey. Circumstance didn't allow me to actually see Donovan play that night, but I did catch plenty of the 42 points the Skins put up in the game. Quite a welcome change from everything we saw last year. If this team can score half that each week in 2010, they can easily be a top team in the NFC, even with the tough division.

The Lions have generated a lot of buzz this offseason, like they always do around here, and even with the loss of their first preseason game, everyone is going crazy about how good the defensive line looked and the pressure and blah blah blah....Let's not forget this is the Steelers we played. The same Steelers we got three sacks against during the regular season last year, and otherwise pressured a hell of a lot in that same game. Their line isn't exactly the best in the league, and definitely not a great gauge of how good our line is going to be this season. Let's see how they do over the next few weeks before we get too excited.

Overall, I am pretty excited for the season to start....and definitely have the Oct 31st game circled on my calendar. Even though I didn't get the exact seats I wanted for that game, I still got pretty good seats at a decent price. And I don't mind paying a little more than face value to skip the BS that goes along with being a Lions season ticket holder.

FOUL!

There is no other way to describe my mood today aside from foul. I'm a very laid back guy for the most part, and it usually takes a lot to get to me. Whatever IT is, it must have gotten to me. I suppose most, if not all, of IT has to do with the 9 to 5. For the last few months, things just have not gone the way anyone has expected. And things just seem to keep getting worse. Some issue(s) that didn't involve me at all have affected things for me negatively where my schedule is concerned.

I knew it would take a little while to iron things out for my new position, but it's been a little too long, and hasn't exactly been ironed out the way it should have been, nor the way I need it to be for school....which was the ONLY concerned I voiced when offered the job. This semester won't be a total wash. I will be able to take at least a couple classes, but with the schedule I'll be on the next two or three weeks, I will surely burn out before we even hit midterms. And that is only taking school, work, and sleep hours into consideration....I can't even begin to figure in my personal life the way things stand right now.

I guess I have been spoiled, lucky, or just flexible enough in my life so far that I've never had a job interfere with my personal/social life. My job in high school affected my ability to hang out my last couple years there, but I preferred most of my work friends over my school friends anyway. I seemed to get along better with an older crowd back then. Other than that, I've always had ample time to be with friends and/or loved ones no matter what shift I was working. That really doesn't look like it's going to be the case now for a while.

"Tell me about your father...."

One of the biggest reasons I never wanted to follow in my father's footsteps (and both grandfathers, as well as several uncles) when it came to work was the crazy shifts I saw my dad work when I was a kid. I got used to his shifts changing on a whim when someone "bumped" him off his job, and he was powerless to do anything but show up when they wanted him there because he was the low man on the totem pole in terms of seniority. Even the last few years before he retired, when only two people in the entire state had a higher seniority number in his position than he did, he was still worried about being bumped off his hours/days from time to time.

Now I find myself faced with working a similar shift for an indeterminable length of time as the one I remember being the worst for him when I was young. My father is a much stronger man than I am in many ways, and working that shift was extremely hard on him. Basically it was a back fill position spanning all three shifts each week. One midnight shift, two afternoon shifts, two day shifts, and two consecutive days off in the middle of the week. I'm now facing two mids, followed by a day off which I will most likely sleep away because that single day off is followed by a day shift....which is then followed by another day off and two consecutive afternoon shifts. Plus school. Not a full time school schedule mind you, because I can't find a full time schedule that will work with my shifts and days off, but still two pretty intense classes that I will need to really apply myself to do well in.

Now, my dad didn't have the school schedule to worry about....but he did have me to deal with. I don't know which is worse, but I'd say I am getting the better of it there. I'm sure dealing with me has never been all that easy....I'd choose spending time learning about crazy people and how to figure out what is wrong them over dealing with a young me any day, and twice on Sunday....well, as long as my Sunday work schedule permits it of course.

A Delicate Balance

Supposedly every cloud has a sliver lining. My silver lining just may end up being a silver bullet. Whether I fancy myself a vampire, werewolf, or just a mortal man, that silver bullet could do plenty of damage to me. While my father had no choice but to show up when they told him to because of his relatively low seniority level, I have a very high seniority level in my current position. I could pull rank and force them to even things up a little more, or even completely take over someone else's shift. As far as I know, only one person can outbid me. The problem with that is how many toes I would step on....and the likelihood of those toes coming back to kick me in the ass at a later date.

I've already seen enough petty shit go down to worry about it happening to me....and I get along with everyone I work with very well. I could only imagine the odds would increase tenfold if I pissed off a few people in my area. Unlike a standard office job where you can file your paperwork and do most everything you need to accomplish all by yourself, this job requires a lot of teamwork for a lot of different things. No one knows every little detail about how or what we do in every instance. We all have our own skill set and level of knowledge. While I have seniority over almost everyone, I am seriously lacking experience with just about everything in this new position and have to rely on someone else multiple times per shift to help me out, even though I am technically supervising them. That in and of itself can easily lead to animosity, and if I start throwing my weight around to get my way....I'm pretty sure I'll end up with a target on my back. Even if I don't, I'm still going to feel that way. Then I will be working paranoid and double checking every single thing that someone else does....I can only imagine that will also create a bit of animosity.

So here I am....trying to figure out how to balance this all and keep the attitudes and egos in check. I am a wonderful problem solver....but I am pretty stumped at the moment. How long would I have to suffer through this shift before I wouldn't be seen as a bully for pulling rank and taking someone else's shift? Will it be longer than I can keep myself from falling seriously behind in school? What will happen with my friends and loved ones in this time? I already don't get to see the people I want to nearly enough....

One question leads to another, then another....and so on. At least with all these shift changes, I'll have a decent amount of time to think it over before I report to work tomorrow night for the first of four consecutive midnight shifts.

Morning Music, 8-07-10

1. Being Here- The Stills.

I been everywhere enough
I been torn apart by love
But there's apples in the trees
and diamonds in the earth

2. My Chick Bad- Ludacris.

I'm saying my chick bad
My chick hood
My chick do stuff that your chick wish she could
My chick bad, badder than yours
My chick do stuff that I can't even put in words
Her swagger don't stop
Her body won't quit
So fool pipe down you ain't talkin bout shit

No time for games, she's full grown
My chick bad, tell your chick to go home

Now your girl might be sick but my girl sicker
She rides that dick and she handles her liquor

Test her and guns get drawn like cartoons
Doh, but I aint talkin bout homer
Chick so bad the whole crew wanna bone her

3. Kiss With a Fist- Florence and the Machine.

Blood sticks, sweat drips
Break the lock if it don't fit
A kick in the teeth is good for some
A kiss with a fist is better than none

4. According to You- Orianthi.

According to you
I'm boring, I'm moody,
And you can't take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I'm the girl with the worst attention span;
you're the boy who puts up with that.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny, irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.

I need to feel appreciated,
like I'm not hated.

5. Wrong- Depeche Mode.

I was marching to the wrong drum
With the wrong scum
Pissing out the wrong energy
Using all the wrong lines
And the wrong signs
With the wrong intensity
I was on the wrong page
Of the wrong book
With the wrong rendition
Of the wrong look
With the wrong moon
Every wrong night
With the wrong tune playing
Till it sounded right, yeah

Wrong
Wrong

Too long...

6. That Was a Crazy Game of Poker- O.A.R.

And I walked into the bar yesterday
Cause I had something to do, something to say
And Johnny walked in right behind me and I didn't turn around
Til I heard the sound of his feet falling on the ground
I looked over my shoulder and I saw a clown
And I said what'cha doin' in the bar tonight.

So I said Johnny whatcha doing tonight?
He looked at me with a face full of fright
And I said, how bout a revolution?
And he said right.
I say of, you say a
I say revolution, and you say jah
I say of, you say a
I say revolution, and you say jah jah jah
Jahova!

And I said, what'cha looking at?
He hit me across the face with a bat
I grabbed my .45 and I said let's get out and go
So he opened the door and said do what you're here for
I said I'm wandering round the road four to four
And I said I been walking for about a thousand years.

And my feet are growing tired
My eyes a little wired
Don't know what to do unless I retire
And he just said let's play some crazy poker

7. Just the Way You Are- Barry White.

Don't go changing, trying and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I would not leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are

I said I love you and that's forever
And this I promise from my heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

8. Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol.

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?

9. Your Body is a Wonderland- John Mayer.

We got the afternoon
You got this room for two
One thing I've left to do
Discover me
Discovering you

One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue

And if you want love
We'll make it
Swim in a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be awhile

Your body is a wonderland

Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it

10. Come on Get Higher- Matt Nathanson.

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God, when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

August?

August already? Awesome.