The Waiting Game

I've always been a patient man.....thankfully. For most of this year I have been playing one waiting game or another. And here I sit, still waiting.

As the year has progressed, I've taken steps toward certain goals. Each step fills me with a sense of completion, but it's hollow. Nothing is ever making itself known for sure, and while things are going great....here I sit, still waiting.

Knowing what you want, and having it so close within your reach is a very strange feeling. Once you finally get it, you can be overjoyed. Realizing it was just a step, and/or you have to wait to do anything like it again can be very humbling. Sometimes even daunting if the wait seems too long.

And here I sit, still waiting.

For much of my life, I have been very cynical. In the past few years though I have turned into a cynical optimist, instead of the pessimistic cynic I was before that. I can't see living my life any other way now. Instead of always waiting for the other shoe to drop, I always look for that shoe, find ways that it can drop, and figure out positive ways around it IF it does drop. I no longer dread the difficulties in life, I plan for them and know that I will be fine no matter what. But that doesn't mean my life is completely without worry.

The things that worry me are usually the unknown variables....a few of which I am dealing with at this point in time. Some things which are very important to me are up in the air right now. Nothing is promised. This I can handle, but wondering sometimes turns to worry as I sit here and wait.

I have very little control over where certain aspects of my life may lead me in the near future. As a recovering control addict, I am actually fine with this. There are pros and cons to everything, and I am sure I've made exhaustive mental notes on everything. No matter where the road turns, I will be happy in some ways and sad in others. I'll be able to come to terms easier though, once I find out what will happen.

And here I sit, still waiting.

Next week I have yet another step to take. It's a very important step, yet I really can't wait for it to be over. I'll be a much happier man once I get home and have a chance to relax for a couple days. Normally I look forward to flights OUT of Detroit....I am already looking forward to flying back home next Friday. As a matter of fact, I think I may just disappear all next weekend so I can chill out and get my head straight. Tomorrow may be Friday, but I am already looking ahead to NEXT weekend.

Another thing it looks like I will have to wait for are my Dexter DVDs. I keep checking Amazon to see if they have shipped yet, but no. It could take two weeks for them to get here because they won't be shipped until early next week. And here I thought pre-ordering was a good idea. The free shipping doesn't seem to be worth it now. At least I have the books to read in the mean time. Almost done with the first one.

Looking ahead, after all is said and done next week, I'll be right back in the waiting game. So much in my life will be decided in the next few months. There are some possibilities that I never imagined possible. Some still seem far fetched to me, and others just seem....well, they just seem right. Unfortunately, those things also seem diametrically opposed in terms of my future. I can't have my cake and eat it too....although I desperately want to. But again, I just need to wait and see what happens. Not much is in my control at the moment, but I am getting close. Close to something better left unknown if it never happens. Yet for this, I have faith. I can't explain it, it's just there. I've begun to realize a dream I've had for so many years. How can it not happen now? To be this close, to be this sure....I can't believe it will be taken away.

And here I sit, still waiting.

And wait I will.

As long as I need to.