Brought to You by the Number 2

Somehow, a conversation from yesterday sparked my interest in the number 2. More specifically, how the number 2 has often applied to me throughout my life.

Looking back on my youth, I earned a lot of second place trophies for various things. This is back in the day when you actually earned trophies based on your skill and/or performance....not like today where EVERYONE gets the same trophy no matter what.

My chess team days in elementary school have produced some great memories, and a lot of that has to do with my deep finishes in tournaments. Whether the fields were large or small, I was always in the top three (other than the national championships, where I finished somewhere in the top 30 in 5th or 6th grade) but I don't think I have a single first place trophy from my time playing chess. I learned very quickly to accept my role as the second best player on our team after I taught my best friend Jeff how to play and he integrated everything I knew about chess along with anything else he could learn elsewhere. By the time he joined our team, I couldn't beat him no matter how well I played.

Around the same age I played baseball and football for youth leagues. As a pitcher in my youth league, I was very good....but always the second option on every team I played for. Overall, I was a much better football player than I was a baseball player. On my youth leagues I was always one of the best players on my teams, often finishing second in our MVP voting....but never first.

Moving on to more 'personal' issues, and the topic of conversation that made me think of all of this in the first place, I've never been someones first....but I have been second plenty of times. Like I said in the aforementioned discussion, this is something that bothered me when I was younger, but nowadays I could really care less and it's no more than a statement of fact. Truth be told, I stopped asking people's "number" a long time ago. It usually comes up in conversation sooner or later with someone I am dating, basically whenever they decide it's time they know mine, but it's nothing I would ever focus on.

I've been told countless times by several friends that I am always someone they can count on to be there, and will always be considered a great friend. But in my whole life, I can name one person (Mark) who would EVER had referred to me as their best friend if asked. Each of my best friends growing up had another friend they considered closer to them than me, even though they were definitely my best friend at that time. Hell after months of planning, my best friend in high school ditched me as my senior prom date to go with some guy she didn't really know, and had zero interest in.

The term "a day late and a dollar short" has always seemed rather appropriate to describe my luck with dating. I'll meet someone, hit it off well, see obvious interest on the part of the other person, then inevitably get the, "You're a great guy....I'd date you in a minute, if I wasn't already involved." Of course, as I get older....I don't see that one getting any better.

So I settle. I can't have what I want, and I don't want what I can have....but isn't having SOMETHING better than having nothing at all? Considering my advice to anyone else would be, and has been, a plain and simple "NO"....I don't see how I ever justify it myself, but it happens. Well, I guess I should say that it happened. Past tense. I know it will only end badly, and usually pretty quickly, so why bother wasting my precious time? Like I said before, I am only getting older here.

I've always had a pretty high standard for what I look for in a significant other, and I would happily commit to someone that had 95% of what I am looking for, yet of all the people I have dated, only ONE has had at least 80% of what I was looking for. That wasn't enough to keep me around in the end, no matter how much I really wanted to make it work despite the problems.

Knowing what I know, and feeling what I feel, I won't be settling again anytime soon. It's obvious I have some issues with being number 2....so why would I force anyone else into that position by settling for something I don't want above all else? This is a case where being selfish and holding out for what I want will also result in my being unselfish by not forcing someone into a number 2 spot. So basically, this is a win-win situation....and win-win situations make everyone happy.