Trust Me, I'm a...Wait, I Already Used That One

There are quite a few people in my life that I know I can trust with so many things. I am VERY lucky to have the friends and family that I do. Seeing as I am not exactly the most trusting person in the world, it's no small feat that I've found so many people who have earned a high level of my trust. Though a couple conversations I had last night really got me thinking about how few people I trust, or would trust, with everything. Everything I know. Everything I think. Everything I've done.

The first conversation that got me started was my grandma. She still sends me a check for $25 on my birthday every year, even though that was supposed to stop when I turned 18 or 21 or something. After reading the card and putting the check somewhere that I hope will help me remember to cash it this year, I grabbed my old phone and looked up her number to call her from my new phone....yeah, I still have like 15 contacts in my phone. Haven't gotten motivated to put the numbers I want in there, or more importantly, the numbers I want in there so I know to ignore the call.

At one point in the conversation she compared me to my Uncle Dwaine, which is generally a good comparison....or at least one I agree with most often, and this time it just happened to regard our shared trust issues, and her thoughts on why the two of us have them. I consider myself a somewhat insightful person, and have always attributed this to my mom....it's easy to see where she gets it from.

Never having any formal training, my grandmother broke down our issues to a common cause as well as any psychologist could, and was amazingly accurate according to my self-assessments on one of the root causes. I had nothing to say other than, "Yeah....that's a big part of it". We agreed that while it wasn't the only reason, it was a big part of why my uncle and I have trust issues.

Twenty minutes on the phone with my grandmother covered a lot of topics, and made me realize that I don't talk to her nearly enough anymore. I have all this wonderful wisdom at my disposal, and I never tap into it.

The next conversation, which actually happened before my call to Florida but I got to thinking more about because of that call to Florida, was my cousin. Her husband had a bday yesterday, which I thought was today and never actually wished him a happy bday yesterday, and they hadn't planned much of anything to celebrate it, so I am pretty much forcing her to take him out for a drink or two tonight, since I think that everyone needs to celebrate their bday one way or another....even if it's a little after the fact.

The reason she hadn't thought to make a night of it is that the two of them don't have any friends in the area. Both grew up here, but she finished high school and attended college in Florida before becoming a police officer in St. Petersburg. While the causes for her issues are much different than my own, she also doesn't trust very easily....hence no friends in this area, even though they've been back about two years now.

Then a conversation with Mike after finding out he and his girlfriend have split after nearly three years together, totally proving me wrong as a relationship handicapper because I said he wouldn't leave her until after Valentine's Day. Now he is someone that should probably have more trust issues than he does....but I guess he's got enough on his issues plate already.

Moving on to the one which really surprised me....a conversation with my mom. I've never been shy in admitting the amount of love, respect, admiration, and trust I have for my mom....but there are things that even she can't know about me at the moment. Then again, this conversation saw her pull a complete 180 from something she said the other day....since she has had time to think about it.

Of course, this is just the tip of the iceberg....and I don't trust everyone on the net enough to go any further, so how about a random playlist?

Morning Music 10-30-09

1. I'm Not Okay (I Promise)- My Chemical Romance. "I'm okay I'm okay! I'm okay now (I'm okay now) But you really need to listen to me 'Cause I'm telling you the truth I mean this I'm okay! (trust me) I'm not okay I'm not okay Well, I'm not okay I'm not o-f*cking-kay I'm not okay I'm not okay (okay)"

2. Peace Train- Cat Stevens. "Now I've been smiling lately, thinking about the good things to come And I believe it could be, something good has begun"

3. Rusted From the Rain- Billy Talent. "I stumble through the wreckage, Rusted from the rain. There's nothing left to salvage, No one left to blame. Among the broken mirrors, I don't look the same....My bitter heart is pumping Oil into my veins. I'm nothing but a tin man, Don't feel any pain. I don't feel any pain. I don't feel any pain. I'm rusted from the rain....You hung me like a picture, Now I'm just a frame. I used to be a lap dog, Now I'm just a stray. Shackled in the graveyard, Left here to decay.Left here to decay....Go on, crush me like a flower Rusted from the rain. C'mon strip me of my power Beat me with the chains. And if I'm the King of cowards, You're the Queen of pain. I'm rusted from the rain. I'm rusted from the rain."

4. Let it Rock- Kevin Rudolf. "Because when I arrive, I-I bring the fire. Make you come alive, I can take you higher....I wish I could be as cruel as you. I wish I could say the things you do. But I can't and I won't live a lie. No, not this time."

5. Don't Trust Me- 3OH!3. "Tell your boyfriend if he says hes got beef, That I'm a vegetarian and I ain't f*cking scared of him....I said, Shush girl shut your lips, Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips."

6. Love Stinks- J. Geils Band. "And so it goes Till the day you die This thing they call love It's gonna make you cry"
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7. Leave Out All the Rest- Linkin Park. "I dreamed I was missing You were so scared But no one would listen Cuz' no one else cared....I'm strong on the surface Not all the way through I've never been perfect But neither have you"

8. Smack That- Akon. "Maybe go to my place and just kick it, like Taebo. And possibly bend you over. Look back and watch me smack that, all on the floor, smack that, give me some more, smack that, 'till you get sore smack that, oooh"

9. All the Love in the World- NIN. "No one's heard a single word I've said They dont sound as good outside my head It looks as though the past is here to stay I've become a million miles aw..."

10. Starlight- Muse. "And hold you in my arms I just wanted to hold You in my arms My life You electrify my life Let's conspire to re-ignite All the souls that would die just to feel alive But I'll never let you go If you promise not to fade away Never fade away"