Survivalism

Romance, who loves to nod and sing,
I really don't know where to start with this post. It's going to be my own personal bitch-fest. Warning: I feel a lot of whining coming on here.

With drowsy head and folded wing,

I've done more than my fare share of thinking about life lately. I've looked back, I've looked forward, and I've really been focusing on now. And right now, I am in survival mode. That may sound all well and good, but to me it's distressing. Surviving is making it through. Survival is getting by. Survival is the lowest form of existence. Amoeba survive. Survival is, of course, essential to living....but survival on it's own is not life.
Among the green leaves as they shake
Herein lies my problem. I don't want to just survive. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I like feeling alive.
Far down within some shadowy lake,
By and large I am a very passionate person. When I am passionate about something, I grab it hard with both hands and won't let it go. But I need to have that passion first. I have no passion at work. My job is rather repetitive, and not at all difficult for me to do....but there is no passion there for me. I do my job to the best of my abilities....better than anyone else ever could, save my partner. Our job suits us, and we suit our job. I don't think there's anyone better equipped to do what we do....but doing something well isn't the same thing as being passionate about it.
To me a painted paroquet

I was passionate about my last job from the first day til the very last. Some may say that was my downfall with the job, while I claim my own stupidity was. What led to my departure from that job is not the issue though, it was how I felt about the job. Sure there are aspects I didn't like about it, but I learned very quickly that nothing in this life is perfect. But that job was probably as perfect for me at that time than any job could ever be from now on.

Hath been- a most familiar bird-
I liked going into work. I looked forward to seeing my work friends, as well as the people I worked with who were TRUE friends. I liked what I did, I loved the hours, I really enjoyed going out with all my like-minded co-workers after work, or hitting a random metro-area bar with them on a Wednesday night since we all had midweek "weekends". I also made about twice the money there than I am making now....so that didn't hurt either.

Taught me my alphabet to say-
It's kind of ironic that my last job made it possible for Chris and I to afford the wedding we (SHE) wanted, yet that job was the very thing that finally ended our relationship. After years of our tumultuous life together, it ended up being the final straw. She was a quick tempered girl, for sure, but never showed any signs of jealousy until I started to hang out with my coworkers after work. Since we got out of work at 4am, she could never tag along with us, and the few times she did go out with us when we got together at a "normal" time , she played the outgoing fiance' part perfectly, but her facade was much different than what was bubbling beneath. Seeing as happy as I was with my work friends, and how much fun we had got to her. She couldn't stand that she wasn't really a part of that side of my life, and probably never would be because of our conflicting work schedules.

To lisp my very earliest word

It didn't take her too long to try and force me to switch to the sunrise shift (4am-noon) so we would "have more time together"....knowing full well that would practically end all my current work relationships, and that I would be miserable with those hours because I am a night owl by nature. She argued her side with absolutely no regard for my feelings on the matter, so I didn't let the argument go on very long. At one point, she said something to the extent of, "If you really loved me, you'd do this so we could spend more time together."

While in the wild wood I did lie,
I couldn't believe my ears. Not only was her logic flawed, because we would have had pretty much the same amount of time together, just different hours. What got to me was the use of my love for her as a weapon against me to get what she wanted, without a care about how it would affect me. Less than a week later the wedding was cancelled.

A child- with a most knowing eye.
So now that I have completed THAT tangent, I can now say that where I intended to go with that was independence. Working that job was the last time I felt really independent, which has been harder and harder for me to handle of late.

Of late, eternal Condor years
I've always been an independent person. In my thoughts, in my actions, and sometimes in my surroundings. As much as I love being around my friends and family, and that is the time when I really thrive mind you, I do need to be alone sometimes. I guess time spent alone in my room growing up as an only child could have something to do with that, but I think everyone feels it to some extent every now and again.

So shake the very Heaven on high
My current living situation is perfect for that. My roommate and I are best of friends, and work opposite shifts. But while I have independence at home, I don't feel independent in my life at all....and a lot of that goes back to how much I make at my current job. Before I even get into that, I know I am lucky to even have a job in this area right now....and that my pay is better than a whole heck of a lot of people. I realize this, but that just can't hold back how frustrated I am lately.

With tumult as they thunder by,
About a year and a half ago I decided to go back to school. I was doing ok, but wanted to do more. School and bills were gonna be a little bit of a struggle, but I could handle it and not change too much in my life. So I went for it. Then my first pay cut hit me. Not that big of a deal, it was expected...and only about 3%. No big deal, just a couple small changes here and there to save a few bucks a day. Then the second pay cut hit. And THAT was a big one. Combined with the first pay cut, my annual income decreased by 30%. That was about 18 months ago, and I am still reeling and trying to make things work.

I have no time for idle cares
I know that money isn't everything. If it was, I would have gone and worked with my father years ago. He recently retired, yet another source of frustration for my family and I, but up until his retirement he constantly made a six figure salary. And he loved to tell me how I would have been making nearly double what he did, if not more, had I hired into the job he wanted me to take, when he wanted me to take it. I never would have survived long enough to see that though....and I knew it. I would not have been happy there.

Through gazing on the unquiet sky.
So it's not a ton of money I am looking for. Some more would definitely help, but I think the biggest thing that was lost with my wage cut was my morale. Like so many other things with me, it wasn't exactly WHAT happened, but more so HOW it happened that bothered me....and obviously still does.

And when an hour with calmer wings
It didn't take me long after the pay cuts to look elsewhere. It's not easy to find a good job around here, but thankfully I am not limited to this state alone. I found plenty of good leads out of state. From good jobs that I would like in a city that I love, to great jobs I would love in another metropolitan are that I would definitely like. Those all fell through one way or another, along with my best leads around here as well. The most recent one was number 12. A dozen times I have found positions I have been excited for, that I qualified for, and would excel at. A dozen times I've been denied....or even ignored.

Its down upon my spirit flings-
To be honest, I don't know which is worse. First, I have to clarify that these 12 jobs were not all applied for in the last 18 months. They have been over the last few years while I was in this job. Some of them were for advancement in my current job location, others were local or out of state jobs I couldn't pass up the opportunity to apply and interview for. Unfortunately, I never seem to get to the interview stage anymore. Only one of the 12 jobs that I went after had me in for interviews. A few of them scheduled interviews, only to have it fall through for one reason or another, but a good amount of those 12 never contacted me at all. And now that I think about it, not a single one of the local jobs contacted me, while all but one of the out of state jobs wanted to bring me in for interviews.

That little time with lyre and rhyme
The one job I did interview for, which is by far the hardest of all these employers to get hired into, I was offered and hired for....but somewhere in the hiring process a certain event prevented me from fulfilling all the required job duties, and I was told to reapply when I could. I was devastated to hear that, but encouraged to get as far as I did. It definitely leaves the door open for better opportunities there sometime in the near future.

To while away- forbidden things!
And just thinking about being hired for that job after the interview increases my level of frustration. Only ONCE in my life have I ever interviewed for a job and not been offered that position, or even a better one. And in my defense, that was a co-op job interview that I was required to go on and the store was required to interview me for....even though both I and the interviewer knew someone else had already gotten the job. So I choose not to really count that as a failure on my part. :-)

My heart would feel to be a crime
Another thing that has been adding to my frustration is the fact that I don't have a vacation to look forward to. Usually I have something planned for the upcoming year by now, and usually it's a Vegas trip, but there's nothing there yet....and I really don't see the prospect for one anytime soon. I've been needing a new car for a while now, and my last job prospect falling through will probably be the difference between me buying a car I want or just a car for transportation....so how could I really justify the extra money for a vacation at this time. So I will keep my nose to the grindstone, every day, while I sit here being the posterboy for Southwest Airlines. I just want to get away.

Unless it trembled with the strings.

Morning Music, 2-17-10

1. Lost?- Coldplay.

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost
Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing stops
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

2. A Lot Like Me- The Offspring

And the rain comes
And the world is on my head
Crave the sun
But I can’t get out of bed

3. Love and Memories- O.A.R.

Maybe I am a crowded mind
I watch your eyes glaze over
Stared down at the floor
You were amazing to me
I was amazing to you
But here we go again

4. (If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To- Weezer.

The rest of the summer was the best we’ve ever had
We watched titanic and it didn’t make us sad

5. Only- NIN.

I'm becoming less defined, as days go by
Fading away, well you might say I'm losing focus
Kind of drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself
Sometimes, I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes, I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes, I can see right through myself

Less concerned, about fitting into the world
Your world that is, cause it doesn't really matter anymore
(No, it doesn't really matter anymore)
No, it doesn't really matter anymore
None of this really matters anymore

Yes, I am alone, but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell, I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself

6. So I Thought- Flyleaf.

A year goes by
And I can't talk about it
The times weren't right
And I couldn't talk about it

7. Simple Life- Carolina Liar.

An everlasting cigarette
That's all you want
Waiting for a bus to take you back home

'Cause Tuesday came too soon
Wednesday left you feeling used
Oh, tomorrow you hope at least it's warm

8. Rock Me Gently- Wish I Knew.

Touching you so warm and tender
Lord, I feel such a sweet surrender
Beautiful is the dream that makes you mine

Mmm
Rock me gently
Rock me slowly
Take it easy
Don't you know
That I have never been loved like this before

9. The Kids Don't Stand a Chance- Vampire Weekend.

I didn't like the business,
But that was at first glance
Your pillow feels so soft now
But still you must advance

10. Glamour Boys- Living Colour.

I ain't no glamour boy - I'M FIERCE

Cank You Very Much

So there's no way I can't talk about this thing that has been bothering me all week. It's really gotten to me, and I just want it to be over with....so here goes: My name is Max, and I....I have a canker sore.

Why the hell do those things hurt so effing much? It showed up Monday morning and has hurt this whole time. Piercing my lip didn't hurt nearly as much, and definitely not nearly as long either.

Usually these things come and go pretty quickly for me, but this one is just lingering. Worst of all, it's in a terrible spot....low on the inside of my bottom lip. It's affecting my speech, I can't smile without it hurting, and talk about a bad place to have a sore when you are thinking about your social agenda. OK, so it's not like I have a "social agenda", but if I did....

And normally they go away on their on, but even trying the remedies I have been told....this this is still sticking around, as big and painful as ever.

OK. Rant over. On to the good stuffs.

Morning Music, 2-12-10.

1. Invisible Touch- Genesis.

She has a built in ability
To take everything she sees
And now it seems I'm falling, falling for her.

She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
She reaches in, and grabs right hold of your heart

2. Here I Go Again- Whitesnake.

I'm just another heart in need of rescue,
Waiting on love's sweet charity
An' I'm gonna hold on
For the rest of my days,
'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time

3. Soul Meets Body- Death Cab for Cutie.

I want to live where soul meets body,
And let the sun wrap its arms around me,
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing,
And feel, feel what it's like to be new,
'Cause in my head there's a Greyhound station,
Where I send my thoughts to far-off destinations.
So they may have a chance of finding a place where,
They're far more suited than here.

BAda-bada ba-bah
bada ba-ba bada ba-bah
bada ba-ba bada-ba
bada bada-bah

I cannot guess what we'll discover,
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels,
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another's,
And not one speck will remain.

And I do believe it's true that there are roads left in both of our shoes, But if the silence takes you then I hope it takes me too.
So brown eyes I hold you near, 'cause you're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere. LOVE this line

4. Epiphany- Staind.

I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for attention,
yet I always try to hide
'Cause I'll talk to you like children,
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing isn't feel.

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

5. Revelry- Kings of Leon.

What a night for a dance, you know I'm a dancing machine.
With a fire in my bones, and the sweet taste of kerosene,

6. Inside Out- Eve 6.

I alone am the one you don't know you need
take heed, feed your ego.
Make me blind when your eyes close,
sink when you get close, tie me to the bedpost.
Mmm, rawr.
I alone am the one you don't know you need,
you don't know you need me.
Make me blind when your eyes close,
Tie me to the bedpost.
RAAAWR!
7. All Over Me- Default.

Look at me I'm acting like
Some pathetic little child who's dying
For your attention
I feel my legs but I can't run
Pretty soon I will become the victim
Of my own invention

All I want is you all over me
All I need is you all over me

8. 4am- Our Lady Peace.

I walked around my room not thinking
Just sinking in this box
I blame myself for being too much
Like somebody else
I never thought I would just bend this way

9. Crushcrushcrush- Paramore.

I got a lot to say to you
Yeah, I got a lot to say
I noticed your eyes are always glued to me
Keeping them here
And it makes no sense at all

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happened
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than this

If you want to play it like a game
Well, come on, come on, let's play
Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending
Than have to forget you for one whole minute

10. Just Can't Get Enough- Depeche Mode.

When I'm with you baby, I go out of my head
And I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough
All the things you do to me and everything you said
And I just can't get enough, I just can't get enough

We slip and slide as we fall in love
And I just can't seem to get enough of

It's getting hotter, it's a burning love
And I just can't seem to get enough of

Up and Down

I'm generally not one to get my hopes up about things. I don't believe in jinxes or anything, but it does always seem that once I start to get my hopes up for something, whatever it is ends up falling through. I can see why it feels this way....when you get your hopes up for something and it doesn't happen, you are disappointed (sometimes even devastated) by it and when you don't get your hopes up, you are less likely to remember the situation later since you didn't have your heart set on it happening. So to kind of protect myself FROM myself, I just don't get my hopes up that much anymore.

Well, a few times in the last week or so I have allowed myself to get my hopes up about some different things....and of course, not too long after I let myself become hopeful I hear one thing or another to knock me back down a bit.

Add to that the fact that my knees and sinuses have about had it with this weather, and a terrible bout of insomnia last night....and this just adds up to one shiny, happy post. Oh yeah....I can't forget my great sarcastic wit today either.

Random thought of the day: I never picture someone old when I hear the name Ryan....

Before I Forget....

Today's promised picture of January Jones.

Waste of a Day

Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss

Such a lonely day
And it's mine

~~ System of a Down- Lonely Day

Today held a lot of promise. Getting through the week at work wasn't fun at all. It's harder and harder every day to get up and go to work. I easily could have missed work yesterday. I went back to sleep after silencing my alarm....and woke up 40 minutes later, just enough time really to rush in and make it on time. I've been playing with fire with that lately, and it almost bit me in the ass finally. I guess I need to stop the 15-20 minutes of snooze, which I have grown to love, and get my ass up right away when that first alarm goes off.

Today I was up early. Not as early as I would be for work, but only a couple hours later. Early enough that the sun wasn't up yet. I was fully rested, wide awake....and could have gotten so much accomplished. I knew it too. There are PLENTY of things around here I could have done. Instead I fed, watered, and let the dogs out....then climbed back in bed to read. Read a few chapters of my latest book, then slept. And slept.

I was finally up and starting my day somewhere around noon. I woke up a little after 11, but just couldn't drag myself out of bed for almost an hour. And when I finally did, it was to go get some fattening food. I'm supposed to be in the midst of another big weight loss quest, but I threw that out the window. I've said it before, I'll say it again....food comforts me, and I find it very easy to justify eating what I want over what I should eat. It's easier to justify than pretty much anything else. There aren't many things I am selfish about, but it seems to come out most often when it comes to what I want to eat.

So I got the food and came home. I saw right away that today would be a great day for a drive. I even mentioned that in a text conversation pretty early in the afternoon. Did I take advantage of that even? No. After eating, I sat on the couch. I watched some tv that I wasn't interested in. I ignored my book. I ignored my house. I ignored my friends. I ate some more. Drank way too much cola. Made Mark get Oreos when he went out to the store. I know I can be lazy, but damn.

It's frustrating thinking about it now. So many things I thought about doing....things I really wanted to do. Then I didn't do a damn thing.

At least I feel that putting up this post is accomplishing something....even though I am still on the couch, hiding under the hood of my sweatshirt as I do it.

February's First Friday

If we run this light
Ah, Friday is here. The first Friday of February at that. To celebrate, I think I am going to just take it easy this afternoon. I'm feeling a little run down this morning, but I've been dealing with that just about every Friday since I started working the hours I am now. Add to that the things I had to get done, and the commotion all around me this week and I am thinking a nice long afternoon of nothing is a good idea. It's a shame the hot tub is out of commission for a while.
Take a little life
I've really got nothing else to say this morning. I know that the Super Bowl is only a couple days away, and that I would normally be talking about it and trying to handicap it as best I could....but I don't even know the spread yet. I don't even know who is favored. I would expect the Colts to be a favorite, but I know that the Saints are popular with the average recreational bettor. With that, I'd have to say the Colts would be a 1.5-2.5 point favorite maybe....I'll check on that in a bit.
No one will care at all
I've been a little behind in terms of music lately. I finally bought Crash Love from A.F.I. last weekend. I've listened to it all the way through one time, and listened to a string of the songs on the CD a few times. Usually starting with Beautiful Thieves and ending with Medicate. I absolutely love listening to Beautiful Thieves right now. Can't get enough of it.
We can burn it and leave
I also picked up Swoon from The Silversun Pickups the same day I got Crash Love. It was on sale for like half off, and I figured I might as well check them out since they are opening for Muse on 3/13. It would be good to know what to expect from them. I've listened to about half the songs on the CD, and nothing has jumped out at me yet....maybe I'll give the whole CD a listen later today and see what happens.
For we are the beautiful thieves
OK, so Indy is a 4.5-5 point favorite....I gotta say, I like the Saints with that. I think it's the better value with the 5 points, but I wouldn't be confident betting on either team this year. The only thing I know I will be betting on for sure is the coin flip. I've been betting a dollar on tails for YEARS. Wow....I can probably say decades now. This is at least my 20th year betting on tails for the Super Bowl coin flip. Sheesh, where has the time gone?
No one suspects at all
Well wherever that time has gone, my time to blog today has now joined it....

Love Jones

So I really missed a good opportunity last month. Leave it to me to have the idea of posting a picture of January Jones every day during the month of January on February 1st. No matter. This is MY blog. I post things for ME. So I am declaring that February shall be the month of January here at Chronicles of Max. I might not post a picture every single day, but every day I post something, there will be at least one picture.

I'm sure a lot of people won't understand this, and very few people are really aware of this either, but I am just plain in love with this Jones girl. How can I not be? First of all she is beautiful. Just beautiful. The blonde hair, the blue eyes, the fair skin, and those full lips are a deadly combination. Behind those lips hide a smile that I can't help but smile at myself when I see it. And it's not just the smile, but the way her eyes sparkle when she smiles. In my whole life, I've seen very few smiles like hers.

Another thing that's hard to miss is her body. Tall and slender, yet she still has curves. Amazing. And she knows how to use that body. You can see that when you watch her walk. She can exude a calm elegance or a seductive aura just by walking toward ,or away from, you.

I could go on for days about her, but I will put an end to it now. Some things are better left unknown anyway. So, on to the morning playlist.

Morning Music, 2-03-10

1. Resistance- Muse.

Is your secret safe tonight?
And are we out of sight?
Or will our world come tumbling down?

Will they find our hiding place?
Is this our last embrace?
Or will the walls start caving in?

(It could be wrong, could be wrong)
But it should've been right
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)
Let our hearts ignite
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)
Are we digging a hole?
(It could be wrong, could be wrong)
This is outta control

Love is our resistance
They keep us apart and they won't stop breaking us down
And hold me, our lips must always be sealed

2. Dog Days are Over- Florence and the Machine.

Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

3. Walkin' After Midnight- Patsy Cline.

I walk for miles,
along the highway,
well that's just my way,
of sayin I love you.

4. Here (In Your Arms)- Hellogoodbye.

I like,
Where you sleep,
When you sleep,
Next to me.
I like,
Where you sleep;
Here.

Our lips,
Can touch,
And our cheeks,
Can brush.
Cause our lips,
Can touch;
here

Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly."
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms.

5. The Good Left Undone- Rise Against.

In fields where nothing grew but weeds,
I found a flower at my feet,
Bending there in my direction,
I wrapped a hand around its stem,
I pulled until the roots gave in,
Finding there what I'd been missing,

But I know...
So I tell myself, I tell myself it's wrong.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm.

Inside my hands these petals browned,
Dried up, fallen to the ground
But it was already too late now.
I pushed my fingers through the earth,
Returned this flower to the dirt,
So it could live. I walked away now.

But I know...
Not a day goes by that I don't feel this burn.
There's a point we pass from which we can't return.
I felt the cold rain of the coming storm.

All because of you,
I haven't slept in so long.
When I do I dream of drowning in the ocean,
Longing for the shore where I can lay my head down,
Inside these arms of yours.

All because of you,
I believe in angels.
Not the kind with wings,
No, not the kind with halos,
The kind that bring you home,
When home becomes a strange place.
I'll follow your voice,
All you have to do is shout it out.

6. Don't Trust Me- 3OH!3.

Shush girl, shut your lips
Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips

7. Whiskey, You're the Devil- The Clancy Brothers.

Oh, whisky you're the devil
you're leading me astray
over hills and mountains
and to Amerikay
you're sweeter stronger dacenter
you're spunkier nor tea
oh whisky you're my darling drunk or sober

8. Closer- Kings of Leon.

Stranded in this spooky town,
Stop-lights are swayin' and the phone lines are down.
The floor is crackling cold,
She took my heart, I think she took my soul.
With the moon I run,
Far from the carnage of the fiery sun.

9. Rub You the Right Way- Johnny Gill.

What you've been missin' in a man
I can supply, your wish is my command
I'll work hard to fill up your needs
Give you lesson on what it is to

(Feel) Feel (Good) good, baby
Get undressed and slip on this robe
(Re-) Re- (lax) lax, darlin'
Just sit back,

Can you feel the magic in my hands
When I touch and rub you the right way
Stroke applied with tenderness
When I hold and rub you the right way

A light massage, a soft caress
Whenever I need to rub, I run her happiness
Customer satisfaction is a guarantee
So for your pleasure, come on over here

Gonna rub with my magic hands
Give you what you're missin in a man
Stroke you with a soft caress
Applied with so much tenderness
Hold on tight and don't let go
Give you pleasure like youve never known before

10. Teeth- Lady Gaga.

Got no salvation (no salvation)
Got no salvation
Got no religion (no religion)
My religion is you
Take a bite of my bad girl meat (bad girl meat)
Take a bite of me boy
Show me your teeth
I'm a tough bitch

Tell me something that'll save me
I need a man who makes me alright (man who makes me alright)
Just tell me when it's alright
Tell me something that'll change me
I'm gonna love you with my hands tied

Show me your teeth
It's not how big, it's how mean

Show me your teeth
Open your mouth boy
Show me your teeth
My religion is you
Show me your teeth

I just need a little guidance
Show me your teeth

It's Groundhog Day!

To be honest, I have no idea where Groundhog Day came from....but why let that stop me from celebrating it. Groundhogs are cute, helpful to the environment, and I've been told they are also lucky as well. ;-)

The most famous groundhog of all, Punxsutawney Phil, saw his shadow at dawn today. Supposedly that means that we'll have 6 more weeks of winter....but if you consider his track record for predictions is under 40%, it looks like we are more likely to have an early spring. Whatever the case may be, I tend to stick with what the calendar says....but I sure wouldn't mind things getting warm pretty quick around here. I've been itching to get on my bikes the last month or so, and that's not gonna happen until we get some temps above the freezing mark.

It's unfortunate that today is a Tuesday. My longest day of school each week this semester, and I have a couple errands to run between work and school....so I might not get a chance to watch the movie like I usually do each year. Ned Ryerson?!?!

I've often wondered exactly how I'd handle myself if the same thing that happened to Phil Connors ended up happening to me. I'd probably make a few trips to Vegas, betting on all the NHL/NBA money line winners that I could, then hitting some high stakes blackjack to increase my winnings. It wouldn't be a bad idea to pad my net worth every day, just in case February 3rd did show up sometime soon. Mmmm....Vegas anyone?

Since we've already established that today is a Tuesday, there is always the Mega Millions option as well. The jackpot is not nearly what it was a few days ago....but who would say no to $12 million? I guess that means I could skip the Vegas trips as long as I played the right numbers each day....but why would I want to do that? What would be better than waking up in the Bellagio worth at least $12 million more than when you went to bed? As long as I still had both kidneys that is.

Well Vegas or no Vegas, you can be sure I'm going to pay attention to the Mega Millions numbers tonight....just in case. Want to get away?

January

The first day of February is a great time to update my play count for the year. As I was just talking about the movie High Fidelity the other day, I figure a Top Five list is in order.

5. Tik Tok- Ke$ha (9 plays).

I blame this one on iTunes. I had never heard of her until I saw she had something like 3 out of the top five downloaded singles one day last month. This song is kinda like crack when it gets in my head.

Aint got a care in the world
But got plenty of BEER
Aint got no money in my pocket
But I'm already here
And now the dudes are lining up
Cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb
Unless they look like Mick Jagger

I'm talkin bout
Everybody getting crunk (crunk)
Boys try to touch my junk (junk)
Gonna smack em if they gettin too drunk (drunk)
Night night we going till they kick us out (out)
The police shut us down (down)
Police shut us down (down)
Po po shut us (DOWN)

4. Beyond the Sea- Bobby Darin (10 plays).

So this may be a 'WTF?' entry....but I just love this song.

Somewhere beyond the sea
somewhere waiting for me
my lover stands on golden sands
and watches the ships that go sailin'

Somewhere beyond the sea
she's there watching for me
If I could fly like birds on high
then straight to her arms
I'd go sailin'

It's far beyond the stars
it's near beyond the moon
I know beyond a doubt
my heart will lead me there soon

We'll meet beyond the shore
we'll kiss just as before
Happy we'll be beyond the sea
and never again I'll go sailin'

3. Bad Romance- Lady Gaga (11 plays).

My annual Xmas eve trip to Somerset resulted in this song getting stuck in my head....and me finally succumbing to the Lady Gaga hype.

I want your ugly
I want your disease
I want your everything
As long as it’s free
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love

I want your drama
The touch of your head
I want you leather studed kiss in the scene
I want your love
love-love-love
I want your love

You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want it bad
Bad romance

I want your loving
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your loving
All your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

I want your horror
I want your design
‘Cause you’re a criminal
As long as your mine
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love

I want your psycho
Your vertical stick
Want you in my rear window
baby your sick
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love

You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want it bad
Bad romance

2. Can't Escape My Love- Enrique Iglesias (12 plays).

What a difference a few years make. Enrique played the halftime show for the Thanksgiving game at the Silverdome in 2001. I booed him mercilessly while he sang "Hero"....then this song came out and I actually liked it. Dammit.

Soon you'll be finding
You can run, you can hide,
But you can't escape my love

1. Ride to California- Paper Tongues (23 plays).

I simply can't get enough of this song. It's been my top played song since I got it a couple months ago.

Going going going to the man in the back
Cut the line if you feel me
Let me hear you say it one more time
I´ve set mind to break free
Now my body is getting loose
while I´ll sinking like a dancing tree

I've been up but I ain't down
I've been lost but now I´m found
I need to leave this for sure
If you got another seat on the bus
Would you let me go

iPad

So, unless you are living under a proverbial tech rock, which probably isn't the case since I don't do a home delivery print version of this here Chronicle, you've undoubtedly heard about Apple unveiling the new iPad yesterday.

I'll reserve judgement until I can play with one at the Apple store, but as usual you have the Apple lovers calling the new product the best thing since sliced....apples. Yes, I went there. And you have the Apple haters, well, hating on it. Since I'm in the middle, with a slight lean toward being a lover, I think it sounds cool, it looks cool, but I just don't see myself ever having a practical use for it. It's somewhere between my iPod Touch and my laptop....both are pretty portable, so I really doubt you'll see me toting one of these around.

I was surprised to see the price on these units set so low. Maybe Apple is done with the whole "sell it at a premium for two weeks then drop the price" thing....or maybe they know how limited the market for this is and can't afford to put anyone off right away.

Whatever the case may be, I wish Apple luck with this product. Hopefully if it outdoes their expectations they will make my next iPod better and cheaper. Of course in the end, it all comes back to how it'll affect me. This is the Chronicles of Max after all.

Back to School

"Why don't you call me some time when you have no class?"

~~Thornton Melon

So we're now a couple weeks into the most recent semester....and I am thinking it might be time to open up the book finally. Which means I have to make a study date with Denise, since I refused to buy the book for this class. So tonight it will be Jet's pizza and "What branch of ecology includes....?"

So far, this class seems pretty straight forward to me. The instructor lectures right from the book, and even hands you the notes for the lecture at the start of each class. VERY easy....if you own the book.

Denise, on the other hand, is about ready to slap the instructor upside the head. The guy isn't the most organized of people, and may think he said something when he really didn't, but can I really fault the guy for that? Of everyone in the class, I'd be the least qualified to cast THAT stone.

This is the only class for both of us this semester, so I tried to calm her down and put that in perspective for her....but if you have ever met Denise, you know that's not going to happen very easily.

We also discussed how she's going to be in school til she's about 90 if she continues to only take one class each semester. I'm in the same boat right now, but this is pretty much the last class I can take at this school and be able to use it elsewhere. Even so, it just feels wrong to only have 4 credit hours in a full semester. I'm still disappointed I couldn't get into that Atmospheric Science class. It definitely wouldn't have been applicable to my degree, but it's a class I would truly enjoy....my transcript is littered with classes like that. Like my History of Rock and Roll class a few years back....wait a minute, that actually counted toward my CRJ degree. Alright, nevermind.

Morning Music, 1-26-10

1. Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades- Brand New.

"This is the first and last time," he says.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her
exactly what it really feels like.

He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast, and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her,
but she's probably only looking for sss...

(Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.)
So much more than he could ever give.
A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He waits for it to end
and for the aching in his guts to subside.

2. Come Back to Bed- John Mayer.

What will this fix
You know you're not a quick forgive
And I won't sleep through this
I survive on the breath
You are finished with

You can be mad in the morning
I'll take back what I said
Just don't leave me alone here
It's cold baby
Come back to bed

3. Follow Me- Uncle Kracker.

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why, you can't turn around and say good-bye
all you know is when i'm with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
I'm singing....

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

I'm not worried 'bout the ring you wear
Cause as long as no one knows
Then nobody can care
You're feelin' guilty
And I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed
And baby I'm not scared

4. Lately- The Helio Sequence.

Lately
I don’t get lost in daydreams
I never lay awake at night
Staring in my bed
And I don’t think about your face
Or anything you’ve said
And I don’t think twice
When someone says your name
Or twist my mind in circles
Wondering which of us to blame

I’m living alone, living alone
I don’t need you, anymore
Living alone, living alone
I don’t need you anymore

5. Teenagers- My Chemical Romance.

The boys and girls in the clique
The awful names that they stick
You're never gonna fit in much, kid
But if you're troubled and hurt
What you got under your shirt
Will make them pay for the things that they did

6. God's Gonna Cut You Down- Johnny Cash.

Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand
Workin' in the dark against your fellow man
But as sure as God made black and white
What's done in the dark will be brought to the light

You can run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Run on for a long time
Sooner or later God'll cut you down
Sooner or later God'll cut you down

7. According to You- Orianthi.

According to you
I'm boring,
I'm moody,
you can't take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I'm the girl with the worst attention span;
you're the boy who puts up with that.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.

8. Let's Spend the Night Together- The Rolling Stones.

You know I'm smiling baby
You need some guiding baby
I'm just deciding baby; now-
I need you more than ever
Let's spend the night together
Let's spend the night together now

9. Crooked Teeth- Death Cab for Cutie.

'Cause I built you a home in my heart
With rotten wood, it decayed from the start

'Cause you can't find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along
No you can't find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech
But they're closing the bar and they want us to leave

I'm a war of head versus heart
And it's always this way
My head is weak, my heart always speaks
Before I know what it will say

10. Someone Like You- Boys Like Girls.

Dont know where I'm goin' to.
Got nothin' to lose, I'm fightin' my demons,
Been lookin' for someone like you,
I've been lookin for someone like you.

When the stars explode,
And I'm all alone,
When they start to see the smoke,
When I'm finally burnin' out,
I'll need someone to carry me home safe and sound.

Feelin' Groovy

It's truly amazing how the prospect of a couple days off and the right mix of music on the way to work can do for my mood. I was so tired and out of it when I got out of the shower this morning that my boxers ended up going on backwards, a fact that I was faced with not too long ago when I used the restroom and wondered where the hell my "access panel" went. Mind you, I don't wear boxers all that often, I only have two pair, but I still should have noticed as I put them on....or at the very least when I made my typical "adjustment" right after sliding them on.

Despite how hard I found it to fall/stay asleep last night, and being so out of it right after my shower, I am actually wide awake at the moment. Walking out the door always helps me wake up a little bit in the winter....only like ten minutes removed from a nice warm shower I get faced with freezing temps and a cold car to sit in. That's usually a shock that will keep me going for a little while, but the music seemed to help on the way in too. I think at least half the songs on my playlist are older than I am. For a classic rock fan, that's always nice.

Another thing that has helped my mood improve from this time yesterday was the realization that I don't have to dread going to class this semester. I surely did NOT want to drag my ass to school last night, but having Denise in the class with me is REALLY gonna help. It's kind of like having a Gym Buddy. We drive together, so if one of us skips, there will be an immediate impact on the other....and really, neither of us is likely to skip class anyway.

Our instructor may not be the best "teacher" per se, but at least we know exactly what to expect from him each and every day. Almost all of the lecture comes from the book, and he passes out the chapter notes at the beginning of each class, so all you have to do is tweak the outlined notes a bit during the lecture. I think I added three things to the notes through the whole lecture, and he let us out 30 min early because no one in the class slowed him down.

The one thing I really don't like about this instructor is that he plainly states in the syllabus that laptop use during lecture is NOT allowed. While a couple guys right behind me have brought and used theirs each and every class without him saying a word, he also mentions something in the syllabus about professionalism points that count toward your grade, and just because he hasn't said anything to the guys behind me yet doesn't mean I trust him to not deduct from our "professionalism points" for behavior that he has already forbidden.

Other than that, I like the class. The group is diverse in age and in culture, which is always good to be a part of...whether I am just observing or getting right into the thick of it when it comes to group discussions. So far I have been the quiet observer for the most part. We'll see how long that lasts.

Morning Music, 1-22-10

1. Time- Pink Floyd.

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say

2. I Walk the Line- Johnny Cash.

As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line

You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line

3. Pictures of You- The Last Goodnight.

Confess to me, every secret moment
Every stolen promise you believed
Confess to me, all that lies between us
All that lies between you and me

4. It Ain't Me Babe- Bob Dylan.

Go away from my window,
Leave at your own chosen speed.
I'm not the one you want, babe,
I'm not the one you need.
You say you're lookin' for someone
Never weak but always strong,
To protect you and defend you
Whether you are right or wrong,
Someone to open each and every door,
But it ain't me, babe,
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

5. People Are Strange- The Doors.

People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down

6. Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol.

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

7. Welcome to Paradise- Green Day.

I want to take you through a wasteland I like to call my home
Welcome to paradise

8. Nobody Home- Metric (Cover of Pink Floyd).

I've got electric light.
And I got second sight.
Got amazing powers of observation.
And that is how I know
When I try to get through
On the telephone to you
There'll be nobody home.

I got wild staring eyes.
And I got a strong urge to fly.
But I got nowhere to fly to.
Ooooh, Babe when I pick up the phone
There's still nobody home.

9. Naked- Goo Goo Dolls.

Inside your head
No one's there
And I don't think I'll ever be
And I don't care

10. Don't Think Twice, It's All Right- Bob Dylan.

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If’in you don’t know by now
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It’ll never do some how.
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
but I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never done before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' walkin’ down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right

So long, Honey Babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But Goodbye's too good a word, babe
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

Three Behind

` `
Only three weeks into the new year, and I have fallen behind my blogging goal by three posts. Only getting 2/3 of my stated goal so far isn't sitting very well with me, but that just goes along with the disappointment I have in myself for my gym/diet goal so far too. I don't make myself sacrifice too much right away, and even the little bit I am supposed to be doing with ease is really a struggle right now.

I really need to put my mind to figuring out a goal and a reward for this my weight loss. Last time I did it, I had one of the best rewards I could possibly imagine waiting for me at the end and I did great with that up until my accident. The time before that, I had a firm goal set and an Xbox 360 at stake against two other guys. The Xbox belongs to me today because of my great planning and discipline at the end. So I know I can do this VERY well if I have a tangible reason....but that's something I am going to need to figure out.

With football season all but over, and my only interest now in watching the games and not trying to handicap them, I have gone back to concentrating on my fantasy hockey team....and not a moment too soon I might add. My team was WAY pretty much from the start of the season, but now the teams just below me are within striking distance because I have been struggling the last month or so. I am finally back to micromanaging my team, and hoping my stars can stay healthy and continue to be productive.

What am I going to do during the Olympics? With the Pistons hurt and sucking, I sure as hell won't watch them....to be honest, I can's even come up with the new coach's name right now. If I heard it, I'd be able to say he was the head coach for the Pistons....but producing it on my own is not going to happen. Maybe I will actually get some studying done for my class while the NHL is on break for the olympics. Then again, why would I do that?

Wednesday, 1-13-10

Random Text of the Day:

To: Denise @ 11:05am

"aaaaaaand....BACON"

This is part of an after-school food discussion we were having. We are taking a BIO lab together this semester and plan to go out after the lab just about every week. EXCEPT, she doesn't want to plan on eating right after the lab where we dissect a pig. Of course, I think we should go out and eat JUST pork products to pay homage to the pig who gave his life to further benefit his brethren (Denise is on her way to becoming a Vet), and everything she suggests to eat that night I just have to add a pork product to. And we all know there is no better pork product than bacon. Mmmmm.

Just Another Monday

:-*

As a natural night owl, coming into work at 6am on Monday is NEVER fun....but today was one of those days where I just wanted to turn my phone completely off when it started buzzing to wake me up. I was comfortable. I was nice and warm under the blanket. I just didn't want to get up. Days like this it's good to have multiple alarms set. I've never dismissed my alarm and missed work in my life, but you can never be too careful.

:-*

My weekend was rather low-key, and mostly consisted of watching playoff football and eating too much. The games weren't anything to speak of on Saturday, but I really enjoyed watching the Patriots get beat down in the early game on Sunday, and the Arizona/Green Bay game was definitely the best of the week, with Arizona coming out on top in OT.

:-*

Since Marcie would rather attach himself to a wall with a nail gun than watch football with us, Mark and I introduced Lazy Sunday to Mike since he no longer has someone scheduling every hour of his free time months in advance. We drove over to his place, he cooked, we ate, we watched football, we ate, watched some more football while eating again, then got pizza from Primo's on the way home. Not great for my diet, but still a fun day.

:-*

As the morning drags along for me, it's apparent that I am going to need all my will power to get to the gym today. It's going to be a very easy day at the gym, but just not bringing my gym clothes with me to work makes it harder on me. Once I walk in the door and sit down to take off my shoes, it's not always easy to remember where my motivation was or where I put that desire. :-D

Morning Music, 1-05-10

1. One Thing- Finger Eleven

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

2. Don't Look Back in Anger- Oasis

Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows, if it's night or day.

3. Stiff Kittens- Blaqk Audio

We're one and the same dear, you were born for this.
Forever forget your restraint.
Remnants of a past here
Pass like light through dust as memories
Fall fleeting like pain.
If you show me heaven I will meet you there.

4. Hey There Delilah- Plain White T's

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame


5. Let This Go- Paramore

Because I'll never let this go,
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone

6. Love Drunk- Boys Like Girls

The day we met was like a hit and run
And I still taste it on my tongue
The sky was burning up like fireworks
You made me want you oh so bad it hurt

7. Head Over Feet- Alanis Morrisette

You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

8. Du Hast- Rammstein

Du...(You)
Du hast...(You hate)
Du hast mich...(You hate me)
Du hast mich...(You hate me)
Du hast mich gefragt...(You hate me to say)
Du hast mich gefragt...(You hate me to say)
Du hast mich gefragt, und ich hab nichts gesagt!(You hate me to say, and I do not obey)

9. Supermassive Black Hole- Muse

(oooh...You set my soul alight)
Glacier's melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

I thought I was a fool for no-one
Oh baby I'm a fool for you

10. Gives You Hell- All American Rejects

Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
You can look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well

Back to Work

While I have been at work the last couple of weeks, the weeks were shortened by holidays, and the work I was doing was REALLY lessened because most of the folks I work with took some time off. Today, however, I am back to a full plate at work and am staring a 5 day work week in the face....which seems pretty rare to me of late.

So not only do I have a full week of full work days to look forward to, but I am also starting off one of my "resolutions" today. I've said it time and again that I don't make new year's resolutions, but I will often start something new at the beginning of the year, especially where weight loss is concerned, because it's easier with a milestone day like the first day of the year.

Whether I call them resolutions or not, I am starting my biggest one today. For years now I have been trying to keep myself motivated to lose weight/get back in shape. I'll do pretty good for a couple weeks, maybe a month, then go right back to my old habits. Seeing 2010 on my calendar now, though, has me really thinking about my health. It's too obvious to say that I'm not getting any younger, but it's also very true.

The years seem to fly by even faster now than they did just a couple of years ago. I look older, feel older, act older....I remember a time where that would have been a welcome change, but for a single guy in his early 30s, not so much.

One of the things I would like to improve on in 2010 involves this here blog of mine. In 2009, I published 116 posts. This was a great improvement over the previous years I've been blogging (more posts in 2009 than in my first three years combined actually), but still less than 3 times a week, which is what I have always wanted to shoot for.

Another blog related "resolution" I have is to read more blogs. I have a blogroll filled with highly intelligent people whose posts I like to read, but I never seem to find the time to follow any of them anymore. I used to follow a few of them religiously, and check most of the others a couple times a week at least, but not any more and I find that sad. I am always one to look to broaden my horizons and find new perspectives, and what better way than reading the thoughts of other people whose opinions I value over anything else I can read online?

Another "resolution" somewhere in the same ballpark is that I want to get back to listening to podcasts. There was one in particular that I would listen to all the time, but just kinda stopped after my accident in August.

Another thing I seemed to stop doing right after my crash was listening to music. I still listen to it here and there, but it's not as big of a part of my life as it used to be. I was always happier when I had a song in my head, or belting out a questionable song while driving. I don't seem to do that as much now, although it has been getting better lately, and should only continue to get better with my new iPod Touch. Yes, after contemplating it for more than a year, I finally got an upgrade to replace my old 30 GB iPod. Just two words about the iPod Touch; Love It.

Speaking of my new iPod Touch, it came in quite handy this morning....and seems to like classic rock a little more than my last iPod.

Morning Music, 1-4-10

1. Dancing With Myself- Billy Idol.

So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancin' with myself

2. All Apologies- Nirvana.

I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn with freezer burn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy

3. Feel Like Making Love- Bad Company.

Baby, if I think about you
I think about love.
Darlin, if I live without you
I live without love.

If I had the sun and moon
and they were shinin
I would give you both night and day
Love satisfyin

I feel like makin
Feel like makin love
Feel like makin love
Feel like makin love
Feel like makin love to you

4. More Than a Feeling- Boston.

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
Turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away

5. Welcome to the Machine- Pink Floyd.

Welcome my son, welcome to the machine.
What did you dream?
It's alright we told you what to dream.

6. Space Lord- Monster Magnet.

There's a car in the field now in a column of flame
With two doors to choose but only one bears your name
You've been drinking my blood well I've been licking your wounds
I'll shave off the pitch now in the scope of your tune

7. Hotel Song- Regina Spektor.

Come in, come in
Come into my world I've got to show
Show show you
Come into my bed
I've got to know
Know know you

8. The Adventure- Angels and Airwaves.

Any type of love, it will be shown
Like every single tree, reach for the sky
If you're going to fall, I'll let you know
That I will pick you up, like you for I

Hey oooh, Here I am
And here we go, life's waiting to begin

9. Clint Eastwood- The Gorillaz.

I ain't happy, I' m feelin' glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless, but not for long the future is comin' on

10. Middleman- Bright Eyes.

Now every dream gets whittled down just like every fool gets wise
You will never reap of any seed deprived of sunlight

Clean Slate for the New Year

This is a common theme for many people right about now I am sure, but for the purposes of this post I am only talking about my iPod. It's been a while since I've looked at my play count and wiped it clean, so why not use January 1st as a chance to do it again?

Looking at the songs and the play counts for the top 25 is a little misleading right now considering I haven't really listened to my iPod all that much since August 21st, but now that I have a brand new iPod Touch, I have to believe my listening habits will get a little more back to normal.

Here are my top 25 songs since June 11th, which was the last time I did this, in reverse order, with the play count in parenthesis.

25. Sex on Fire- Kings of Leon (25). This is the first song from the Kings of Leon that ever caught my attention. It's a good song, but wasn't good enough to make me check out the entire album right away.

24. Closer- Kings of Leon (27). This Kings of Leon song I found on Jennicide's playlist on her blog or website or something....I love this song, but it still wasn't enough to make me check out the album.

23. Use Somebody- Kings of Leon (28). THIS song, however, made me buy the album right away. It was recommended to me by a friend whose music taste is very similar to my own, and I figured that if there were three songs on this CD that I liked this much, it didn't matter what else was on it. Just so happens, I liked damn near every song on this album and played it a TON this summer.

22. Shadow of the Day- Linkin Park (28). One of the six songs that appeared on my first list. I gotta believe it will appear on the next one as well, but the song has taken on a different meaning now than it had when it got most of these plays.

21. Love Lockdown- Kanye West (30). For about two months I couldn't get enough of this song....been a while since I've listened to it though. I gotta say, his recent actions haven't helped too much.

20. Hammerhead- The Offspring (30). This song played a lot when I was out driving this summer. It just always seemed to really fit when I was flying along in the Jeep.

19. Krazy- Pitbull & Lil Jon (31). How can you NOT like this song? Listening to it always gets me going.

18. That Was a Crazy Game of Poker- O.A.R (31). This song always reminds me of the last time I played poker. I lost my shirt, not really....but close enough, and it was probably my favorite poker memory of all time.

17. Eet- Regina Spektor (31). The first song I heard from her latest CD and I had to share it as soon as I heard it. I really like the song, and it was a good intro to the CD.

16. Rusted From the Rain- Billy Talent (31). Probably the song that I have listened to the most over the last 3 months. I just can't get enough of it.

15. Famous Last Words- My Chemical Romance (32). This song has been one of my most played song since the CD came out, and I haven't gotten sick of it yet.

14. The Good Left Undone- Rise Against (33). Talk about a song that has taken on a different meaning recently....I haven't listened to it all that much since this summer. I knew it would show up on this list, but I doubt it will show up on any list after this.

13. Take a Bow- Muse (33). To me, this and Starlight are basically one song. I never listen to one without the other, and I never listen to Starlight first....that's just the way it is.

12. Starlight- Muse (33).

11. Time is Running Out- Muse (33). Another Muse song that I listened to a lot of the summer, but have kinda backed off from recently.

10. The Calculation- Regina Spektor (36). Initially, this was my favorite song from her latest CD. It's recently been replaced by another, but I still listen to it a lot.

9. Uprising- Muse (37). This song was released well in advance of the CD, and I played it just about every day until the album was released. I heard some mixed reviews for the album when it came out, but upon the first full listen, I was impressed, and have grown to like it even more since.

8. Thoughts of a Dying Atheist- Muse (40). One of the more underappreciated songs off of Absolution, and I'm actually surprised at the play count. I knew I started listening to it a little more recently, but I didn't expect it to be in the top 10 on this list.

7. Take Me on the Floor- The Veronicas (41). I listened to this song a TON over the summer. I just like the way it sounds, as well as what the lyrics say.

6. Folding Chair- Regina Spektor (41). Definitely my favorite song from Far. When I first heard it, my jaw nearly hit the floor because the lyrics were VERY similar to a conversation I had just a few weeks before the CD came out. Now every time I hear it, I am reminded of that conversation. I loved that conversation.

5. Amazing- Kanye West (43). Probably all 43 of these plays happened during the NBA playoffs early in the summer. I was exposed to it because of the playoff commercials, and it just stuck in my head. Thankfully I have been able to get away from it lately.

4. Supermassive Black Hole- Muse (46). Three of the top four (and eight of the top twenty five) songs are from Muse. I guess it's a goof thing that I am going to see them in less than three months. I wonder how that will effect future lists as I keep looking forward to the concert.

3. Hysteria- Muse (50). This song grabs me from the very beginning, and doesn't let go until the end. I love it.

2. Map of the Problematique- Muse (56). Obviously still my favorite Muse song, although it has been replaced as the number one overall song since the last list. As I said last time, this song just makes my blood pump and makes me feel alive.

1. Wrong- Depeche Mode (78). Sigh. This song just makes me think. About all the decisions I have made, the ones I am currently making, the ones I will make in the future. It just gets inside my brain and gets everything going. The littlest things....the biggest things. It's all just there when I listen to this. And, as I write this, it is now the very first song that got a play on the clean slate. Hopefully I won't wait more than 6 months to make another one of these lists.

Morning Music, 12-29-09

I gotta believe this is the last one of the year....

1. Blue Monday- Orgy.

How does it feel
To treat me like you do
When you've laid your hands upon me
And told me who you are

I thought I was mistaken
I thought I heard your words
Tell me how do I feel
Tell me now how do I feel

2. Ride to California- Paper Tongues.

Interstate freeway green light go
you can even get a plane or a train if the traffic´s slow
I bet you won´t beat me
I´ve been waiting for a mighty long time
So you best believe

I´ve been up but I ain't down
I´ve been lost but now I'm found
I need a ticket for sure
If you got another seat on the plane
Would you let me go

3. Blood on My Hands- The Used.

Feel the pain that I never show,
I hope you know,
It's never healing.
I hate to say that I told you so, but I told you so.

4. Swing Life Away- Rise Against.

Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage.
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.

5. You're Going Down- Sick Puppies.

I feel the heat comin’ off of the blacktop
And it makes me want it more
Because I’m hyped up out of control
If it’s a fight, I’m ready to go
I wouldn’t put my money on the other guy
If you know what I know that I know

6. Broken- Lifehouse.

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on

7. Meet Me on the Equinox- Death Cab for Cutie.

Meet me on your best behavior
Meet me at your worst
For there will be no stone unturned
Or bubble left to burst

Let me lay beside you, darling
Let me be your man
And let our bodies intertwine

8. Mouth- Bush.

All your mental armor drags me down
Nothing hurts like your mouth

9. California Sun- The Ramones

Well I'm going out west where I belong
Where the days are short and the nights are long

10. Changes- 2Pac

We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

Riding the Wave

For the last few days, I have been riding a wave of "feel good" emotion. I am normally a relatively happy person, always thankful for who and what I have in my life. Anyone who knows me pretty well can tell you that it wasn't always that way though. As a matter of fact for a few years, I was rather unhappy. Slowly but surely, I changed the way I looked at things and turned into someone with a much better outlook on everything in his life.

Recently, it has seemed as if I took a step back from all that progress I made. I noticed it, and tried to hide it....but those close to me weren't fooled and called me out on it. I wasn't trying to be sullen or melancholy....those traits are only popular in fictional characters. I was actually trying my hardest to be my normal shiny, happy self....and maybe that in and of itself also contributed to my sour moods.

For a while, I fought awfully hard against my emotions....all the while knowing I was wrong to do so, but thinking I had to stay strong for the people around me. It's really not easy when the people in your family who you have looked up to all your life, your heroes really, tell you in a time of crisis that YOU are the backbone of the family. Mind you, I am flattered to be thought of that way....but the added stress when things really hit the fan is not something I readily welcome. Very often I handle my personal stress by withdrawing a bit, but thinking about how I need to help everyone else through makes that withdrawal a little more noticeable.

So how is it that now, amidst some of the worst things many people close to me could ever go through, that I am in such a good mood all of a sudden? Well, to be honest, it really isn't all of a sudden. Some like to say that time heals all wounds, but I'm not really a subscriber to that. I believe that time helps you add perspective, commonly referred to as wisdom when coupled with personal experiences. This perspective or wisdom helps you see things a little clearer, and evaluate them, and what they mean to you, a lot better.

Many people file that under the heading of "healing", but I file it under "learning". And considering I have a life long quest to learn as much as I can, especially about myself, I consider this a very important process. Not only important, but extremely healthy too. My mental and emotional dexterity can always use a nice workout, so while it may not be fun to go through these rough patches....I do welcome them as part of my maturation process.

Probably the biggest thing to set me in motion on this wave has been my outlook for the future. Things are a lot different now than a few months ago. Instead of starting the new year in a new city with a new job, I will be here doing the same old thing for a little longer....and debating on if/when I will pursue moving out there again. School was put on hold for said relocation, and I will be going back in a few weeks, assuming I can get into the classes I want. I don't have a car....I've been driving a borrowed car for almost two months. So many things are up in the air right now....and I don't mind one bit.

I've hurdled the obstacles of the past few weeks....past few months....past few years, and I've always come out smiling. Even when one trips me up and I fall for a little bit, I get up, dust myself off, and head back into the race with even more determination. Well, I am back up now and focused on what I really want out of life. The great thing about that is....I know it's well within my reach, and I am reminded of that on a daily basis. Things are good....and will be getting a lot better.

A Game of Thrones

OK, I am NOT going back to my old habit of making sure to get one post out a month. Of course I want to get at least one out every month, but I need to make sure to take my time here and there to post a little something, even if there isn't much going on to talk about. For a while there early this year, my voice here was strong and frequent....now it seems to have become an insignificant whisper.

I'm not going to make any promises, not going to make any resolutions, not going to make any guarantees. The only thing I am going to make is an effort to post more. What it all comes down to, really, is that this blog is for me. Make no mistakes, I enjoy having the few people who care enough to read it....but in the end it is all for me. And I need to make sure to do more posting....for me.

With that all being said, I recently finished a book I never would have thought to read, but came across it by chance. A couple months ago I was digging around to find out some information on AFI's new album "Crash Love" and, more importantly to me, see if I could find out how the tour for the album would affect the next release from Blaqk Audio. For those who don't know, Blaqk Audio is comprised of two of the four members of AFI.

I found my way to Jade Puget's (one of the members of both bands) blog, Shy Boys Win, and saw this blurb about the book in his recommendations: "I don't think I've ever recommended a fantasy epic, so here you go. This series is so good it had me running frantically around Berlin on tour, trying to find an English language version of the next book."

I decided that was quite an endorsement, and seeing as I admire his creativity, along with the fact that he went against the grain here by recommending a fantasy epic, I picked up the book to check it out. Fantasy epics aren't my thing either, but I figured I would try it on for size and, worst case scenario, pass it on to a friend if I didn't like it.

Well, I liked it. So much so, that before I completed the first title, I ordered the rest of the series that is already available. There are currently four (of seven) out right now, with the 5th one just around the corner. I am hoping that the fifth book comes out around the time I finish the fourth. Seeing as they are pretty long books and that I will be starting up classes again in January, that should give the author/publishing company time to get their heads out of their respective arses and get the book in print already.

So here I sit, blogging....when all I want to do it pick up the second book and get deeper into it. Now that I think about it....that sounds like a rather good idea. Time to wrap up here and grab my book.

Morning Music 11-25-09

Well, I've had this as a draft for over a week now....guess it's about time to post it.

1. Kings and Queens- 30 Seconds to Mars. "The age of man is over A darkness comes and all These lessons that we learned here Have only just begun"

2. Savior- Rise Against. "Uncurled the fingers in your hand, Pressed into the flesh like sand"

3. Hooked on a Feeling- "I can't stop this feelin' deep inside of me
Girl, you just don't realize what you do to me
When ya hold me in your arms so tight
You let me know everything's all right
I-I-I, I'm hooked on a feelin'
High on believin' that you're in love with me
Lips are sweet as candy, the taste stays on my mind
Girl, you keep me thirsty for another cup of wine
I got it bad for you, girl but I don't need a cure
I'll just stay addicted and hope I can endure
All the good love when we're all alone
Keep it up, girl, yeah ya turn me on"

4. Afterlife- Avenged Sevenfold. "I pray by the grace of God that there's somebody listening, Give me a chance to be that person I wanna be"

5. The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows- Brand New. "I lie for only you. And I lie well...Hallelu..."

6. Just Like Heaven- The Cure. "Spinning on that dizzy edge, I kissed her face and kissed her head, and dreamed of all the different ways I had, to make her glow."

7. Bliss- Muse. "Everything about you is how I'd wanna be, Your freedom comes naturally, Everything about you resonates happiness, Now I won't settle for less."

8. Dangerous- Ying Yang Twins, feat Wyclef. "I see the fire in her eyes, Fire in her eyes, The way she moves, She got the fire in her eyes, Fire on her waist, Fire in her thighs,I love the scandal"

9. Whisper to a Scream- Icicle Works. "Love comes, down upon us, Till you flow like water, Burning, with the hope of insight, Feathered, look they're covered, with a bright elation, Stolen, in the sight of love"

10, Walkin' After Midnight- Patsy Cline. "I go out walkin', After midnight, Out in the starlight, Just hoping you may be, Somewhere walkin', After midnight, Searching for me."