SIlly Putty

Ending my blogging hiatus with a post about pain and my complaints about the pain I was dealing with, just didn't sit too well with me. The post before that easily could have been my very last on this blog, something I seriously considered for a while, and that would have been fine with me. But just having last night's post as the most recent for about 24 hours made me uneasy.

This blog has always been a reflection on or a representation of my life. More of an extension of the things happening around me actually, because of my thoughts about those events. Sometimes it's been dark, sometimes it's been downright whiney. Thankfully I have been blessed with the resilience and mental flexibility of silly putty so those times are few and far between, and don't last very long at all. And yes....I just compared my brain to silly putty. :-)

Now I am not here tonight to talk about how hunky dory everything is now, nor how it's always rainbows and butterflies....because that's just not the case. Life is life. It is what it is. The crazy Indian Summer rain today is still wreaking havoc on my joints, and my back is only slightly better than last night....but slowly getting worse as I sit here in this "ergonomic" chair. I'm really just here because I can't stand looking too long at the posts where I whine about how bad things are, when I truly believe I am one of the luckiest men in the world.

Due to the public nature of this blog, and the impact on my life that things I may say on this virtual platform could have in my real world life there have been many things I have withheld over the last few years. Sometimes I had wished that this blog was private so I could say whatever I really wanted instead of what was expected of me without worrying about the possible consequences, but that's really not the point of having this blog. I want to be able to share with those who honestly care about me everything I can possibly share, out in the open. One problem I encountered in the past was having someone in my life much too critical of things I say, or someone who would take things I said and run with them and make them into some extreme emotional issue. I've guarded, or flat out changed, much of what I've said here in the past because I knew I had certain readers who would just take things the wrong way, and I'd have to move directly into damage control mode soon thereafter. Oftentimes I didn't know how to express my true thoughts without getting a terrible amount of backlash.

Inevitably, over time, these relationships eroded and broke down. Having them behind me allows a greater amount of openness, and having someone in my life now who I am comfortable telling anything and everything means I never have to second guess what I post here. I'm very lucky to have found someone as loving and understanding as I have. Someone who truly cares about me in a way I've seen from my closest friends, but have never seen before from a girlfriend. The road ahead is long, and won't be without bumps, twists, or turns....but I can't think of anyone I would rather have along for the ride than the girl I've found to ride shotgun with me.

Pain to the 21st Degree

I've had some pretty bad pain days in my life. Honestly after blowing out my knee playing ball, I haven't had a single pain-free day. One way or another, my knee aches every day. It was a lot worse in my late teens and early twenties but even though it aches less than it used to, it can still be pretty significant. And just let the weather take a quick turn, and it'll get a hell of a lot worse. Something like that must have happened overnight too, because I woke up with an achey leg and one helluva sinus headache.

Having those pains isn't a big deal though, and I wouldn't even think twice about them if my back didn't decide to jump in the mix too. My back was sore after tossing and turning a good part of the morning, but sitting too long on the couch doing my FFL lineups and whatnot REALLY aggravated it. When I stood up to feed Kira, I hunched over and walked so slowly and awkwardly that Mark started giving me shit about being old. It was all good natured though as he has had plenty of issued with his own back and definitely knows my pain. Unfortunately, it just got worse from there.

Before even getting an hour in at work, my back started to spasm. Two Alleve have helped to dull it a bit, but every now and again I move in a way that almost brings me to my knees with pain. Get this; it hurts so bad that I don't even want to eat. Lol.

Now I just wish it stopped there. Everything seems to have conspired to plant a migraine into my head before I take off for the night. With an hour left, it's only gotten like halfway there though...so unless the drive home fully triggers it, I should be fine tonight.

For the most part I am very healthy, and I really hate typing all this garbage out...but it really has helped to distract me from these issues. Again, this blog has been free therapy for me. Who would have known this time it would be physical therapy.