Friday, January 13, 2017

Page 13 - Accountability

One thing I've always prided myself on is the fact that I am always accountable for my actions.  Spill something, clean it up.  Do something wrong at school or work, admit to it and work to fix the mistake.  It's really easy to admit your mistakes when you keep in mind that the best way to really learn something is to attempt it and fail.  No one steps out of the womb walking and talking perfectly.  It takes years to perfect those things, and along the way we all failed hundreds or thousands of times.
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Admitting the failure is only part of the process, though.  As I mentioned above, you have to work to fix whatever the mistake was when you want to move on.  This is the part I have always had a problem with when it comes to losing weight.  I'll take credit and feel good about anything I do to make progress, like the first week of this year, but I always have a reason behind my failures....or I just don't care enough about them.  It's very rare that I am unhappy enough about my weight, and all the issues it causes, that I will actually do something about it.  And almost all of those end prematurely for one reason or another.
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I'm writing this now because I can feel myself on the road to Eff-It-Ville, but I am calling myself out to be accountable for my direction.  I'm the one with the steering wheel.  The road conditions my be downright shitty at the moment, but I can still make it to my destination....as long as I travel in the right direction.  I'm admittedly a stress/emotional eater, and I have a lot of both in my life at this very moment.  No matter what I do in the short term, or why I am doing it, I am still holding myself accountable for my direction.  A little blip here and there is completely acceptable.  A complete change in course is not.
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Metaphorically speaking, I'm pulling off at a rest stop right now to have a cigarette and calm the eff down before getting back into shitty traffic.  Once this little break is over, my eyes and mind need to stay on the road.  It's a long journey, and I'm going to need all my faculties to get there.  And I will get there....because there is no one else accountable for this.  Just me.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Day 12 - Against My Will

I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be doing this.  It's hard enough to just exist right now.  I need to do something mindless to keep my brain occupied....and this is pretty much the opposite of that at the moment. 

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Page 11 - The Splurge is the Word


Well, that escalated quickly.  Yesterday ended up being an unexpected splurge day.  I had planned to splurge on breakfast, that was going to be my one cheat meal today.  Then I ended up going out to lunch at work.  I limited that lunch to half an appetizer and water, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been....just not ideal.  So I scaled back a little with dinner, just my chicken without the normal side of bread....but then I ate a full bag of Flipz chocolate pretzels while LM and I watch three more episodes of Stranger Things after dinner.
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Even with that, I still posted a slight loss when I weighed in this morning.  It was just .2 lbs. again, but at least it was a loss the morning after a splurge day.  So while I am splurging better now than I would have just a couple weeks ago, I need to be a little more mindful of when I do it.  Splurging that much just a couple days after splurging really big with pizza may very well keep me from hitting my weekly goal, even if I don't go off script at all the rest of the week.
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Speaking of Stranger Things, LM is absolutely loving the show.  I am entertained by it, but not nearly as into it as she has gotten.  We should finish the first season tonight, and I am hoping that most of the questions we have will be resolved....but would not be surprised if there was at least some sort of cliffhanger for us.  Our next binge may end up being Goliath on Amazon.  I've already watched the whole season, but LM has not.  I'm sure she'll be up to trying it out, but we will see if it will come anywhere close to holding her attention as well as Stranger Things.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Page 10 - It's Still Winter

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Some mornings I take my time getting out of bed, relaxing in the hot water of a long shower, or just taking my time getting ready to hit the road.  Today was not one of those days.  Everyone in the area knew we were supposed to get a decent accumulation of snow overnight so when the alarm went off, I knew I couldn't take any extra time since my commute was going to be a little bit slower this morning.  However, not everyone was expecting to see completely untreated roads for the morning commute, due to the fact that it's supposed to rain all afternoon and evening and wash away the snow that we got.
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The drive to work wasn't as bad as I would have thought listening to the people on the radio complain, it wasn't even the worst I've seen on the way to work this season.  I think a lot of it had to do with the attitude of the drivers.  If it wasn't in everyone's head that the plows and salt trucks weren't doing their job that we pay good tax money for, would anyone really have complained?  We went from zero snow to 3-4 inches overnight.  Even without plowing or salting, the roads weren't bad at all.
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So I'm looking forward to that pizza weight coming off soon, but it wasn't this morning.  I weighed in .2 lbs. less than yesterday, which at least is a little bit of a loss....but still not below where I was Sunday morning. 

Monday, January 09, 2017

Page 9 - Avoid the Deep End

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So maybe eating ALL the pizza was a bad idea.  After losing more than 5 lbs. in my first week, by this morning I have given back more almost one full pound of that....and now have nearly 3 lbs. to lose by Saturday to make my 2 lb. goal.  Definitely doable, but that one bad decision yesterday is going to make it hard on me for the next 5 days.  Hopefully I can keep this in mind the next time I want to splurge.  A cheat day every so often is perfectly fine, and in my case very necessary, but I need to keep from going off the deep end on those cheat days, or pay the consequences afterward.
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Boy this past weekend felt very short....and this being my first full work week in nearly a month, I'm sure the week is going to feel super long.  Good thing there's another 3 day weekend on the horizon at the end of this week. 
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Not much more to say about today, aside from the fact that LM and I are going to see what this Stranger Things hype is all about, and finally watch a couple episodes of that tonight.

Sunday, January 08, 2017

Page 8 - Not So Wild Card Weekend

This weekend's games went just as expected, with all the higher seeded teams advancing and (most importantly) covering in each game.  Of course, this means the Lions lost another postseason game....but our season pretty much ended with Stafford's finger injury in the Chicago game anyway.  I know it wasn't enough to keep him from playing, but it obviously affected him on a lot of throws since then and he just wasn't the same passer after that.  All in all, though, I can't be too down about it.  At the beginning of the season, I didn't even think we'd make the playoffs.  6-7 wins was what I thought we had in us, and we got to 9.  Without that injury in the Chicago game, we could have won a tenth game and hosted a playoff game for only the 3rd time in my lifetime....it just wasn't in the cards.
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Over the 4 games this weekend, I was 14-0 on various wagers with an outcome of +39 units.  Through the regular season I was a slight winner, but I always seem to make my hay on the first two weekends of the NFL playoffs.  If I could just nail my big SB bet every year too, it'd be feeling great....but I've missed on the SB each of the last 2 years, and 4 out of the last 5 I believe.
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Aside from sports, I did in fact have pizza each of the last two days....ugh I dread what the scale is going to say tomorrow morning.  Saturday wasn't as bad of a pizza night as I expected, since Mark made pizza instead of ordering it.  There wasn't much of it to eat, and I didn't really like it all that much.  Tonight, however, I ate more than I normally do on family pizza night.  That will hinder my effort on my weekly goal, but I'm sure it will still be obtainable.  I didn't eat much before we had the pizza, so it was basically my lunch and dinner and I had it in two different sittings....which is why I ate more than normal.
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One thing I forgot to mention yesterday is that I stopped to get LM some flowers on the way home from work on Friday.  I know how much she likes them, and how much better getting them makes her day.  This past Thursday wasn't a great day at work for me, and even though she had a full day of her own, she went out of her way to make my night better after I got home from work.  I figured it was really the least I could do to show my appreciation.  Well, that and watching the Golden Globes with her tonight.  ;-)

Saturday, January 07, 2017

Page 7 - One Week In



First official weigh in of 2017 complete.  My goal was to lose 2 lbs., and I lost a little more....weighing in 5.2 lbs. lighter than my starting weight.  I fully expected to lose a bit more than my goal each of the first few weeks this year, because it's really easy for me to lose 10-20 lbs. when I start out.  After that, it gets a little more difficult.  Now, just because I am currently ahead of my pace weight doesn't mean I am going to slow down.  My goal of losing 2 lbs. each week isn't an average....I want to weigh 2 lbs. less than the last weigh in, no matter how much I lost the previous week.  I think it's the best way for me to approach this, because getting ahead of my pace weight and letting up a bit has burned me in past weight loss attempts.
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This weekend will be a little bit of a challenge for me, and could really set the tone for whether or not I get to my goal by the end of the year or not.  With the Lions playing in Seattle tonight in the Wild Card round, a few of us are going to Mark's house to watch it.  Hanging out at Mark's house usually means Joe & Reno's pizza.  I really like their pizza, hardly ever get to eat it....and I eat too much of it.  Sunday is also usually pizza night at our house, which I am hoping to end.  I don't foresee pizza night ever going completely away for us, I really like pizza and all, but I'd like to cut it back to every other week, or once a month.  That could be the biggest factor in whether or not I make my goal, and I have enough of my own internal hurdles to jump over....I don't need to add more.