Saturday, May 30, 2009

You = blog slacker!


So I got a text message from a friend this morning....any guesses as to what that text said?

She's right, I have no valid argument for neglecting my blog. I have been pressed for time, but it doesn't take that long to put something small up here....as demonstrated by my last post. So here I am early on a Saturday afternoon, trying to figure out what I want to do first with all the things I'd like to get done today.

Some quick work on the X seems to be the number one priority at the moment, with getting a run in sometime right up there too. I promised the dogs a walk, but I really doubt they remember that now as they snore away, Guinness on the floor and Kira on her couch.

I kinda feel sorry for them on the weekends. During the week they have very structured days, and know exactly what time they will be eating and/or going out in the yard. Guinness will actually walk up to me at 4:30 and let me know it's time for him to eat dinner if it's not obvious that I am already on my way to get it for him.

The flip side there is that they have less time to spend with Mark or I since we are both on days now. So on the weekends, they have less structure, but more time with me. I guess I shouldn't feel sorry for them then....who wouldn't give up a little structure to have more time with me? ;-)

Hell, as I think about it....I have to get dog food today too. There's my top priority now. Making sure they have enough food tonight to eat dinner. If Kira wasn't such a hater, I would take them to Petsmart with me as part of their walk. As it is though, she'd just start a fight and have Guinness finish it for her.

Alright, I think I have done my bloggy duties for the day....hope someone is happy now. :-P I honestly would write more, but my left shoulder is killing me today and typing on my desktop is making it worse. Maybe a HOT shower will help me with the pain. If not, there is always the hot tub....hmmm, I might have a new top priority now. :-D

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

20 Minutes

Can I get a decent post up in only 20 minutes? Most of the time I have trouble with the format that I use after a picture has been added, so I would bet on no....but I'm still gonna try.

I'm writing now, and in such short time, because I shouldn't be writing this at all, but I want to. The thing is, I can't really right what I want to right now, so this is what I am reduced to.

I should be reading, actually I should be writing an essay about what I should have already read....but I have procrastinated once again, opting for a night out with Mark and Mike to watch the Wings over staying home and watching while getting everything done online that I needed. It was even suggested to me by someone else to go home after school rather than go out....but when do I listen to advice like THAT?

I feel kinda bad sometimes about that actually. The devil and angel on my shoulder each get equal time to present their arguments....actually, the angel really gets the lion's share. The problem for the angel is not the time or the sound advice, but me. Any protest at all from the devil gets acute attention, and usually action.

While he is often wasting his breath, the poor little angel won't stop trying. He's always there afterward too with an "I told you so" if he was right, but he's also cool about being wrong.

With these two always on my shoulder, there are few times I make an uninformed decision. Another problem though, where do I normally choose to get my information from? That's right, I turn to my devilish side.

We all have choices to make in life. Each day is rife with them. Though many of these choices have a bigger impact on your life than you can imagine, there are some other choices though that you know will have a huge impact on you. These choices are hard to make with that little red bugger talking into my ear.

Lately I have had some pretty important things to think about, and this little friend of mine has had all sorts of things to say. What to dismiss, what to do, how far to go....and the list goes on. So far I seem to be toeing the line very well in all cases, but when it comes to things I know I shouldn't do, but desperately want to do, I really don't need his "help".
AND WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE IT IS I WANT TO DO?
Alas my 20 minutes is up, and I haven't even found a picture yet. now I'll just have to finish this in my head and work out a way to quiet down the devil at certain times. I want to extinguish the fire underneath his arse when it comes to certain decisions I have to make....anyone out here know someone that can help me put out a fire?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Fitting


It's only fitting that the sunrise was obscured by clouds this morning. I know it came up of course, but seeing it linger behind that dark blanket in the sky made me laugh....I didn't want to get out from under the covers this morning either.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Random Survey

Instead of reading my assignments, I am going to pass my time with this survey from someone elses blog.

1. First thing you wash in the shower? Hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Orange

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes, assuming her conscience doesn't get to her again.

4. Do you plan outfits? Only for Halloween

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? It's Frisky Friday

6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red? A couch

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having. Mark got himself arrested for littering out of my truck. The cops went on to search the vehicle because of that....the only thing I could think was, "That's no longer a legal search...."

8. Did you meet anybody new today? Yes, I usually meet someone new every day.

9. What are you craving right now? A nap

10. Do you floss? Flossin? I thought you said your name was Munson.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? Kabbage Juice

12. Are you emotional? I am the antithesis of emotional.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? No

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Both

15. Do you like your hair? Sure

16. Do you like yourself? Yes

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? If he was paying, why not?

18. What are you listening to right now? Nothing

19. Are your parents strict? They were the right amount of strict and lenient depending on the situation.

20. Would you go sky diving? Yes

21. Do you like cottage cheese? Yes

22. Have you ever met a celebrity? Many

23. Do you rent movies often? No

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room? Ice in my water

25. How many countries have you visited? 2

26. Have you made a prank phone call? Yes

27. Ever been on a train? I've actually driven a few

28. Brown or white eggs? White

29.Do you have a cell-phone? Yes

30. Do you use chap stick? No

31. Do you own a gun? I've between weapons at the moment

32. Can you use chop sticks? Probably not

33. Who are you going to be with tonight? Don't know....all I know is that whoever that may be is one lucky person.

34. Are you too forgiving? I can be, but everyone deserves more chances if they are sincerely trying.

35. Ever been in love? Definitely

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? Probably eating too much

37. Ever have cream puffs? Dunno

38. Last time you cried? Not sure

39. What was the last question you asked? Isn't he a free agent next year?

40. Favorite time of the year? Riding season

41. Do you have any tattoos? Not yet

42. Are you sarcastic? Maybe

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? No, but I read the Bradbury story which inspired that name.

44. Ever walked into a wall? Yes

45. Favorite color? Silver

46. Have you ever slapped someone? Lol. Yeah....

47. Is your hair curly? No

48. What was the last CD you bought? Fantasies by Metric

49. Do looks matter? Yes

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? Probably, depends on the situation.

51. Is your phone bill sky high? No

52. Do you like your life right now? Ask me in a few months

53. Do you sleep with the TV on? Only when the Wings are playing west coast playoff games....no more of those thankfully.

54. Can you handle the truth? Yes

55. Do you have good vision? Eh

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? I don't hate anyone

57. How often do you talk on the phone? Not very

58. The last person you held hands with? Jamie

59. What are you wearing? Can't say, but I can say that I look good.

60.What is your favorite animal? Elephant.

61. Where was your default picture taken? Riding in Ohio

62. Can you hula hoop? No

63. Do you have a job? Yes

64. What was the most recent thing you bought? A tire

65. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Funny the Way it Is



It's mornings like this that I could just kick myself for not having my camera with me. Taking this picture with my phone just does not do it justice.

Lately I've been really lucky to have just a few minutes each morning to watch the sun come up. The sun rising is very symbolic to me for so many reasons, and it puts a little more pep in my step every time I get to see something like this. It's almost enough to make up for getting up SO effing early. ;-)

I'm desperately in need of that pep today too. My sleep pattern is thrown out of whack every weekend, and it's not easy for me to get it back on track. Taking a long nap in the middle of the day yesterday didn't help me one bit. I would have been better off sleeping til 1am and starting my day a little early. I never would have considered it, even after Mark suggested it, but in hindsight, it might have been a lot better for me.

I was happy to see a couple people commenting on the massages yesterday....now only if I had a volunteer who lived close enough to take advantage of my desire to practice. My hands are getting weaker by the day people, help me out. :-)

Let's get down brass tacks. How much for the ape?

Morning Music 5-12-09

1. Funny the Way it Is- Dave Matthews Band. I don't remember ever hearing this song before. I found the lyrics and the overall concept of the song very interesting. It is funny the way some things go, and how we perceive them. All those little things in life we make bigger than they should be. All those coincidences could be just that, coincidences without a greater meaning. All those things that you believe must have happened for a reason could just be the luck of the draw while playing the hand you are dealt. Just because you believe something, doesn't make it so. Human will and determination are an amazing force when focused. If you truly believe something, sometimes there is no way at all to change your mind. Whether it's believing you are destined to rule the world, or completely convinced of the recognition of your soulmate in someone else you can justify pursuing it at all costs, damn the consequences. People who are normally very heady, intelligent individuals can turn into irrational fools because of some random event they perceive as "meant to be." While I have never tried to rule the world, I have been guilty of this myself.

Yes, this is how my brain works when I listen to song lyrics. Welcome to the mind of a madman.

2. Where'd You Go?- Fort Minor. The first song came on the radio when I started the car, and this was the first iPod song for me. Not exactly what I was hoping for when I hit 'shuffle songs'. I need something to make me think less, not more.

3. The Wizard- Black Sabbath. Thank you Mr. iPod. A song I can finally use to start winding down how high strung I am right now. I know this song when it comes on, but when it's over I can't think of the lyrics or how it goes. In one ear, out the other. Perfect for the way I feel today. Hopefully as it goes through my head and leaves it will take some of the crap up there with it.
:-)
4. Love Song- Snake River Conspiracy. Well, scratch that idea....here come all those thoughts rushing back. LOL. Ya know, I've never seen the video for this, and I don't even know if there is one....but I have a wonderful idea for a video to go along with it. I can see it in my head now. Impressive cover, I must say.

5. I Want You- Kings of Leon. Looks like I can pretty much rule out Mr. iPod trying to help me out today. Seems like he's only got one thing on his mind at the moment. "Just say 'I want you, exactly like I used to' cause baby this is only bringing me down" ....is there anyone that can't identify with that?

6. This Ain't a Scene, it's an Arms Race- Fall Out Boy. I have no idea what this song is about, and I really don't care. I just like listening to it....and singing along.

7. Lightness- Death Cab for Cutie. Le Sigh. Talk about thoughts running through my head. This band always makes me think. Sometimes I love it, other times I can do without it.

your heart is a river that flows from your chest
through every organ
your brain is the dam
and i am the fish who can't reach the core

oh, instincts are misleading
you shouldn't think what you're feeling
they don't tell you what you know you should want
:-D
Wouldn't it be nice if everything you should want was the same as what you do want? Ah, the moral and ethical dilemmas of being human. Where are the clear defined lines? Which lines can be crossed? Which lines should be crossed? Which lines cannot be crossed? Can you read between the lines and find your answer in the gray areas? Funny the way it is, no?

8. When You Were Young- The Killers. More quotable lyrics....this makes it much easier to fill space.

They say the devil's water
It ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes

9. Land of Confusion- Disturbed. Unlike some people, I can appreciate this version. It may not be the original Genesis version, but honestly if you listen to it....it does kinda sound like Phil Collins if he decided to really rock this out.

10. Mannequin- Katy Perry. Funny the way it is....I've been characterized like this before. Sometimes it helps to be a little robotic and unfeeling. Maybe the characterization is somewhat accurate....it's just not always the case.

Monday, May 11, 2009

CC

It's hard to believe this is my 200th post.

It's bee a little less than 5 years since I started this random blog. When I started it, I surely would have bet that I'd have at least 200 posts much sooner than this....or not at all. I wouldn't have even gotten here this fast if it wasn't for some great inspiration over the last few months.

So what do I have on tap for number 200? Just let me warn you now, I feel like awfully long-winded today and have a few different topics to help fuel that today. I guess I'll just start off with what's gone down since I left work on Friday.

Friday:

With the X out of commission. I rode Betty into work on Friday. Turned out to be a good thing too, since she's my utility bike. She's not flashy or pretty like the X, but she never lets me down. She's also very aggressive and likes to get dirty. Basically, my type of girl.

Anyway, the forecast when I went to bed on Thursday made no mention of rain at all on Friday. The forecast after I got to work was much different, calling for rain between the hours of 1 and 3. AKA, my commute and errand time.

The sky was overcast, and I could see some pockets of of rain here and there around downtown. I was happy to see that none of the rain pockets was currently over any part of my commute. Though when I pulled out of the garage, that happiness faded fast. I didn't feel the rain, but the spots started to form on my visor.

Thankfully it never rained hard wherever I was the whole time on the bike, but in many places I road through it had, leaving standing water here and there on the roads. I made it through my freeway ride in one piece, though it sure seemed on girl on a cell phone desperately tried to make sure otherwise, and pulled off heading to the bank.

About half a mile or so from the bank , I turn onto Ecorse. The last turn before I am actually at the parking lot for he bank. With the pavement wet and already a little slick, I make the turn and start to gently roll onto the throttle. After it's already too late to make a difference, I notice I am going to go right over a manhole cover.

I come off the throttle a bit before I go over it, but the rear wheel just slides completely across it. I nearly low-sided before the tire gripped again, and then I nearly high-sided with my correction. I attribute my crash-free turn there to three different things; the weight of the bike, my familiarity with the bike, the fact that I was riding single.

Betty is a lot lighter than the X. She is what is referred to as a standard style motorcycle. You sit straight up on a standard....not hunched over like a sport bike, not laid back like a cruiser. Standard bikes are also historically kind of ugly too. Nothing extra on the bike to make it look any better....or to weigh it down. Had I gotten such quick and extreme side to side action like that on the X, I surely would have gone over high-side with my over correction.

Also, had I not had a couple years under my belt on this particular bike, I probably would have laid it down as soon as I started sliding. Had I had a passenger on the back....no way I recover from that either. Other than that, no incidents at all as I ran errands after work. Got home a little damp, but nothing to really complain about. At least my phone didn't gush water as I opened it after this trip.

Rode to my last class for Winter semester later that evening, then up to a bar near my house to meet up with Denise, Bryan, and Michael. From there we decided another place nearby would be good and I would drive everyone else who was willing to walk to my house and jump in my car. After bar number two, we head to one a little further away, but still in town. Maybe 3-4 miles from my house.

When we get there, Denise throws out the Drama card and says she's going to stay in the car for the whole 2 hours Mark, Michael, Bryan, and I are hanging out. To that I pull out my Reverse card, by throwing my truck into reverse, and took her home. I had somewhat planned on her acting this way, which is why I made sure to limit our choices close local places. I also yelled UNO! as I dropped her off....joke for one there.

The rest of the night was smooth until the end when Bryan (Denise's husband, and the only one with me that night that's not a blood relative) offered to pay the tab. Mark checked the bill before we left, and saw that he had only left her a two dollar tip on either a $48 OR $50 tab. We eventually took care of that and got Bryan home without him puking in my truck....again.

Saturday:

All through Friday night and early Saturday morning, a few weird dreams kept me awake for more than half the time i was trying to sleep. Not too long after I finally fell asleep, my alarm goes off....I reset it to give myself 90 minutes for another much needed REM cycle. Although I needed the sleep, that put me behind on my plans for the day and I ended up leaving for our safety meeting without my jeans fully drying.

After the meeting we headed to Nemo's for a couple burgers, then out to Bookies for a late BDay celebration for Mark. The lack of sleep and the long day caught up to me there, and I wasn't my usual talkative self....even with Kelley.

Sunday:

Woke up to an alarm clock for the second weekend day....shouldn't there be a law against that? Had breakfast with my mom, uncle, and cousins at the new Parthenon Coney Island not too far from my house. Unfortunately my mom snuck up to pay everyone's bill before the waitress even brought it out to us. I would have stopped her, but I know Denise and Bryan are always looking for a free meal, and if my uncle was letting go with just a little protest, I was ok with it too. I know she enjoys doing that anyway, so I wasn't going to stop her on mother's day.

A few hours later, I got to treat her to game 5 of the Wings/Ducks series for her mother's day present. The seats were pretty good, 15 rows from the ice directly behind the net on the visitor's side. We got to see a lot of action in our end throughout the game, and got very lucky to have quiet Ducks fans right in front of us. They didn't stand up once during a play that we wanted to see.

After the Wings took out the Ducks 4-1, I drove back home and made my mom come in so Mark and I could take pictures of her with her "Price is Right" check before she took off on her hour long ride home. We watched the end of X-3 and the beginning of Top Gun while I waited to hear that she made it home safe, and I promptly jumped in bed.

I fought connection problems on my laptop all night, then finally turned the thing off around 1am. After that, I tossed and turned and stretched and scratched and sighed and got up for a glass of water....basically anything but sleep. That lasted til about 3am, and when I finally fell asleep the first dream I had woke me up for good. One of my recently confessed nightmare situations became an actual nightmare last night. It all seemed so real, my heart ached when I woke up....and I still can't get it out of my head.

Speaking of today and my lack of sleep, it's amazing how a state of mind can determine what you notice in a certain situation. If you are happy or in love, you notice all the great things around you. When you are depressed or heartbroken, you notice all the things wrong around you. When you are sleep deprived, you notice the oddest things. Today, I noticed the lights and light pattern in the same hallway I walk through every morning. I honestly had no idea about any of the lights before today, but now I am pretty much an expert.

After arriving and settling in, I had to write out the date a few times for some items. 5-11-09....although the first thing I filled out said 5-11-02. Hmm, only 7 years off. Then I realized that today would have been my seventh wedding anniversary with Chris. I'm not one to dwell on the past, but that made me think about what everything would be like now if we had actually gone through with it. Different is the only way I can describe what I came up with.

So with all these thoughts running around my sleepless head, I needed to start up my morning playlist a little early today....as in right after my shower. I headed over to my computer and fired up a playlist, hit random, and listened to the first song at home. Next two songs were "random" finds in the car because I accidentally hit the wrong button and got an unexpected station. It all worked out for the best though.

Morning Music 5-11-09

1. Falling in Love in a Coffeeshop- Landon Pigg. Interesting choice computer. I really like this song, other than the chorus. The way he sings it give the song character, and I appreciate that, but the rest of the lyrics are just fan-effing-tastic and I think the chorus takes a little away from that. I chuckled yesterday when I saw this was on an AT&T commercial, and about picture messaging too. The irony was not lost on me there....you can look at my Verizon bill and see that. Ooh....I should probably pay them.

2. White Wedding- Billy Idol. "Hey little sister, who's your Superman? Hey little sister, who's the one you want? There's nothin fair in this world, and there's nothin safe in this world, and there is nothin sure in this world, and there's nothin pure in this world....start again." Who'd have thought that Billy Idol could be so deep?

3. Come Undone- Duran Duran. Ok, NOW I see why I pressed the wrong station button. I absolutely love this song....and I don't own it anymore. Sad. I was first drawn to this song by the voice of the girl in this song. Hearing her gave me goosebumps, something that rarely happens, and it still does from time to time. After she drew me in, I listened to the lyrics....and smiled. Some great words there. Some of the verses don't seem to make sense when you first hear or read the lyrics, but they have a definite meaning for me. "Who do you need? Who do you love? When you've come undone."

4. I'm Bad- L.L. Cool J. "I'm the pinnacle, that means I reign supreme, I'm notorious, I'll crush you like a jelly bean."

5. Sabotage- Beastie Boys. Such an awesome video. I'll never forget flying down the alley behind Snookers in my Dakota with this song blaring on my CD player. That "experiment" was two fold. First I wanted to see how fun it would be to recreate part of the video, because the alley was pretty jacked, almost like a motocross course. We caught air at least once, and grounded something out a couple times. Second was trying to get the CD player to skip. I had this great Pioneer 6 disc changed mounted under the passenger seat, that I never got to skip (even that night) with a CD that wasn't scratched.

6. Ghost of You- Good Charlotte. This made me laugh. A little ironic with some of the stuff in my head/dreams right now.

7. I Wanna be Sedated- The Offspring. They performed this in the movie Idle Hands. I'm sure you didn't see that, because NO ONE saw that. Opening weekend for it we were the only ones in the theater to see it. We got in for free, so it wasn't too much of a loss there....and empty movie theaters can be fun too with the right companion.

8. The Pretender- Foo Fighters. So if I wasn't as tired as I am, I probably would not admit this here....but this song always reminds me of myself. There are so many people who think they know me, but only a select few I trust to be completely open and honest with. You'd be surprised how short that list is too....

9. I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor- Arctic Monkeys. Well, there are few finer things than a woman who knows how to dance and actually gets into it. Throw a mirror into the mix, and I am completely helpless.

10. Rub You the Right Way- Johnny Gill. This song just reminds me that my own magic hands have been idle for way too long. The last person I dated that actually enjoyed getting massaged was Chris. At that time I was doing that somewhat regularly for my PT job, and getting practice just about every night at home. I never thought I would have a hard time finding someone who liked getting massaged as much as I like giving them.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Finally

I am just 12 hours from my last final for this semester. I am confident in my ability to do very well on it, as long as I can get some inspiration to write later tonight, but I have a bunch of work to get done before then. Yay procrastination.

Looks like the weather today will be fantastic. It's the first time this year I've gotten to ride to work....found out my hair is too long to tame after wearing a helmet for all of 15 minutes on the way in. Maybe I'll finally get motivated to chop this mop tomorrow. I should have time before our safety meeting.

Stayed up late to watch some hockey last night, so I was definitely in need of some motivation from Mr iPod this morning. Here's what I got:

1. My Apocalypse- Metallica. I know I sound like a broken record when I keep saying the latest Metallica CD sounds a lot like the Metallica we all knew and loved before they sold out, but it's true. That being said, listening to this song today I did notice that James Hetfield's voice is not nearly as strong as it used to be. A sad realization for me, but I'm sure it weighs a lot heavier on him.

2. Salt Shaker- Ying Yang Twins. They might not be great song writers, talented musicians, or even sing all that well....but they have some really entertaining, and catchy, songs. Plus, it's got Lil Jon in it. How can you go wrong?

3. There for You- Flyleaf. Not a song I've really listened to before, so I had to pull up the lyrics and read them as I listened. Not the most uplifting of songs, but I like it....and I can easily sympathize with some of the lyrics in particular. "You speak the unthinkable thought,
I love you too"
4. Move Along- All-American Rejects. Perfect. We get to move along to a song that's a little more uptempo. These lyrics I don't really care about....I just act like I know them and sing.

5. My Bloody Valentine- Good Charlotte. I've always really liked Good Charlotte, but not this song. I am very good at separating myself from fictional things like movies, books, or even songs like this. But this one is just totally creepy to me. The song actually starts out with a little bit of the chorus, but when it moves on to the first verse, the first line you hear is: "I ripped out his throat, and called you on the telephone." I've never thought that stalking, true stalking, is something to be taken lightly and I just think that this song really never needed to be made. Just my opinion.

6. I Can't Explain- The Who. Lol. So many things going on in my mind and in my life that I can't explain for one reason or another. This made me smirk a bit.

7. Be Here to Love Me- Norah Jones. Her voice is very soothing to me, but that's not what I need at this moment. I need to be woken up. Good thing I was walking around when it came on.

8. Clarity- John Mayer. He may be a total douche, but he's a talented songwriter and a very good guitar player too. With his music, he doesn't get to show it off all too much, but seeing him in concert truly showed me his chops.

9. Last Night- Motion City Soundtrack. I can never make up my mind on whether or not I actually like MCS, but I keep listening....so that says something right?

10. Snuff on Digital- Blaqk Audio. Stiff Kittens was the song that got me to notice Blaqk Audio, but this is the song that got me hooked. I'm pretty sure it's still in the top ten songs on my iPod in terms of number of plays, and I haven't listened to it lately.

All morning, and moreso as I wrote this, I have noticed that I am hungry. Alarmingly so. I ate a good sized breakfast, 40 minutes later my body wanted more. I had a banana after my daily V8, didn't make a dent in this hunger. Not too long after that, I had 1/2 of a plain turkey sandwich on wheat. STILL hungry.

I've given up. If I am going to be hungry no matter how much I eat, I am just not going to eat. What's the use in eating if it doesn't satisfy your hunger?

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Half-Birthday

A little six month life check-up here. Meant to post it yesterday, but as limited as my time has been lately, I am happy to post this at all.

A lot has changed since my last birthday. I woke up to a new president-elect on November 5th, and he has since been inaugurated. Just yesterday, Dave Bing was elected to take over as mayor of Detroit, finishing out Kwame's last term.

Personally, I've seen a lot of change in/with me as well. 6 months ago I was back in school for the first time in almost ten years, with only a couple classes so I could get back into the swing of things. Until this week, which is finals week, I had class 5 nights a week for the winter semester. 3 of the 4 classes are done, and I have my last final on Friday. Winter semester taught me the value of internet classes, and my two classes for Spring term will be online.

Along with the full load of classes this semester came a new laptop, most of which was paid for with a grant from my parents which was given me in lieu of a birthday or Christmas gift last year. Well, I still got the usual underwear, t-shirts, and socks I have gotten every year since I was like 3.

I love the laptop, and can't imagine ever being without one from here on out....although the new router we have in the house doesn't seem to feel the same way. 3 of the 4 computers we have using the wireless network in the house, as well as Mark's iPhone, have almost zero problems connecting to the network. My laptop on the other hand, has connected to the network exactly zero times without a problem. I have no clue what the problem is considering it is the newest computer in the house, and has connected everywhere else I have tried it without a single problem. Frustrating.

I think one of the biggest things I have noticed in the last six months is an increase in my motivation for several things. I've never been particularly motivated in my life. I've never understood why. I have a few friends that are very much the same way too. One particular handful of us have enough brain power to rival most NASA groups, but have little to show for it. This has been kind of a running joke the last few years....but I think I finally got fed up with my life being a running joke, and decided to follow my latest dream and go back to school. The path I have chosen will take a long time and a lot of hard work, not to mention the crazy cost of all those years in school, but I really believe it'll be worth it in the end.

You can look at my postings here and see pretty quickly that I am a little more motivated this year than I have been before. This is my 58th post of the year, should be 59th but I am yet to finish a draft from a couple weeks ago, where previously my busiest year of posting only made it up to 41. 17 more posts in just over 4 months than any other year before. At this pace, more than half my posts on this blog, which started in 2005, will be from 2009 come the end of the year.

I've also written short stories here and there on top of the blog posts and the writing I must do for school. I've always had a knack for the written word, but but need some inspiration to let it out. I've had a lot of that lately. I can't even begin to express how good I have felt the last 6 months. It really feels like I am alive again for the first time in years.
THANK YOU
Now, feeling this alive is somewhat of a double-edged sword for someone like me. While I can always find the silver-lining in every cloud, I can also always find the one cloud in a beautiful clear sky. That's the best way I can explain to people what it means to be a cynical optimist.

While I love, and I without a doubt mean love, the way I have felt lately....my head is wondering what the hell I'm thinking as I go along feeling this way. I've always had such great restraint on my emotions....if I wanted to restrain them. I can finally let them go again, and that in itself feels fantastic. Usually I have what I think captaining the ship, while the way I have felt was very much like a silent first mate. Nowadays, it seems that both the way I feel and the way I think have an equal say. It's not been easy letting this happen, being the control freak I often am, but this little release of control to the way I feel has greatly improved a number of things in my life. Even on the rainy days, the sun is still burning bright and warm, just waiting for it's chance to be seen again.

In the past three weeks, I have gotten two pieces of potentially life-changing news. The day after I filed my taxes, on the deadline day of course even though I knew I was getting a return, I got some news I had always wanted to hear, but had pretty much given up on ever hearing. You should have seen my reaction. I held in my hands this package I knew was good news, but I just couldn't bring myself to open it right away. I looked at it many times in what must have been only 20 minutes, but seemed like a couple hours, until I finally opened it.

The other news came just minutes before I walked into my second class on Monday. I had to interrupt my conversation with Nyfa to take the call, but when I told her what had happened, she didn't seem to mind at all.

There are so many more things spinning in my head from the last 6 months, but for now I am going to keep a lot of them to myself. Considering these things seem to drive me, I think it's a good idea to keep them close to the vest for now. Now, did I mention that I absolutely love how I have felt lately? And I do mean absolutely.