Morning Music, 3-29-10

1. Over My Head (Cable Car)- The Fray.

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

2. Love Her Madly- The Doors.

Don't ya love her madly
Don't ya need her badly
Don't ya love her ways
Tell me what you say

Don't ya love her madly
Wanna be her daddy
Don't ya love her face
Don't ya love her as she's walkin' out the door
Like she did one thousand times before

3. Mess of Me- Switchfoot.

I am my own affliction
I am my own disease
There ain't no drug that they could sell
Ah, there ain't no drugs to make me well

There ain't no drugs
There ain't no drugs
There ain't no drugs
It's not enough
The sickness is myself

I made a mess of me
I wanna get back the rest of me
I've made a mess of me
I wanna spend the rest of my life alive

We lock our souls in cages
We hide inside our shells
It's hard to feed to the ones you love
Oh, when you can't forgive yourself
Yeah, forgive yourself

4. Creep- Radiohead.

You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

5. Starlight- Muse.

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

6. Just Breathe- Pearl Jam.

I'm a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love...

Some folks just have one
Others they got none, aw huh...

Stay with me
Let's just breathe

Practiced are my sins
Never gonna let me win, aw huh...
Under everything, just another human being, aw huh...
Yea, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
To make me bleed.

Nothing you would take
Everything you gave
Hold me 'till I die
Meet you on the other side

7. Animal- Neon Trees.

Here we go again
I kinda wanna be more then friends
So take it easy on me
I'm afraid you're never satisfied

Here we go again,
We're sick like animals we play pretend
You're just a cannibal and I'm afraid I won't get out alive
No I won't sleep tonight

Oh oh I want some more
Oh oh what are you waiting for
Take a bite of my heart tonight

8. You & Me- Dave Matthews Band.

Wanna pack your bags
Something small
Take what you need and we disappear
without a trace we'll be gone, gone
moon and the stars will follow the car
And then when we get to the ocean
Gonna take a boat to the end of the world
all the way to the end of the world

Oh when the kids are old enough
we gon' teach them to fly

You and me together
we could do anything, baby
you and me together yes, yes
you and me together
we could do anything, baby
you and me together yes, yes

you and i were not tied to the ground
not falling but rising like rolling around
eyes closed above the rooftops
eyes closed were gonna spin through the stars
Our arms wide as the sky we gon ride the blue
all the way to the end of the world
to the end of the world

Oh when the kids are old enough
we gon teach them to fly

You and me together
we could do anything, baby
you and me together yes, yes
you and me together
we could do anything, baby
you and me together yes, yes

we can always look back on what we did
always memory of you and me baby
right now its you and me forever girl
you know we could do better than
anything that we did
you know that you and me
we could do anything

you and me together
we could do anything, baby
you and me together yes,yes
the two of us together
we could do anything baby
you and me together yes, yes
two of us together, yes, yes
two of us together
we could do anything baby

9. Devil on My Shoulder- Billy Talent.

I dug a hole so deep
I'm gonna drown in my mistakes
can't even sell my soul
'Cause it ain't worth shit to take

I got the devil on my shoulder (over and over)
And I just can't sink any lower (lower and lower)
The hounds of hell are getting closer (closer and closer)
I got the devil on my shoulder (over and over)

Follow the rainbow, my lucky omen
There ain't no pot of gold, just copper tokens
I found the key to life, the lock was broken
All my accomplishments, are best left unspoken

10. How Soon is Now?- Smiths

I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

Swing Life Away

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move
The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand....until you hold my hand

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

Post Goals

Early this year I decided to make sure I wouldn't neglect this here blog at all throughout 2010. So I set a personal goal of 2-3 posts per week, with a total of 10-15 as a minimum for each month. At first I thought about not considering my playlist posts in this, since there isn't much writing involved, but sometimes the words I choose from these songs can really describe how I feel about something, somewhere, or someone better than any of my own words could. There is a reason a lot of these songs are hits, and many of my favorites have lyrics that will stand the test of time. Just look at how some of Dylan's lyrics apply as well to today as they did back when he first wrote them.

I have decided to up my goals for writing. One of the bloggers I follow makes sure to write every day for at least 10-20 minutes, no matter the subject. He might not share it with everyone on his blog, but if it's something he likes he'll post it. I've decided to try the same thing on MOST days. There may be times where work and school keep me from being creative (wow, that sounds kinda sad now that I think about it) and I'll have to skip a day here or there.

This new goal may or may not increase my post totals, since I am not sure that I'll have anything I want to share come out of my head when I sit down to write. Plus I have other places I write besides this blog, so it may not be written here to share anyway. The posting matters not. What does matter is that I'll keep my creative tools busy and sharpened for when I really need to use them or, better yet, when I WANT to use them.

Morning Music, 3-18-10

1. Us- Regina Spektor.

We're living in a den of thieves
Rummaging for answers in the pages
We're living in a den of thieves
And it's contagious

2. Fix You- The Offspring.

She wakes up
Rage and grace
Pulling me closer
Pushing away
And me the sharpest thorn on your vine
Twisting and turning, we're all intertwined

I wish I could heal you
And mend where you are broken
I wish I could heal you
And I wish you could heal me

3. Push it- Garbage.

This is the noise that keeps me awake
My head explodes and my body aches

4. Dani California- Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Black bandanna, sweet Louisiana
robbin' on a bank in the state of Indiana
She's a runner, rebel and a stunner
On her merry way sayin; baby whatcha gonna

California rest in peace
Simultaneous release
California show your teeth
She's my priestess, I'm your priest

She's a lover baby and a fighter
Shoulda seen it coming when it got a little brighter

5. You Can't Always Get What You Want- The Rolling Stones.

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need

6. Dreams- The Cranberries.

Oh, my life is changing everyday,
In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,
Never quite as it seems.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.

7. Love Me Two Times- The Doors.

Love me one time
I could not speak
Love me one time, baby
Yeah, my knees got weak
But love me two times, girl
Last me all through the week
Love me two times
I'm goin' away

8. Don't Look Back in Anger- Oasis.

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd never been
But all the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away

Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger
I heard you say

Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows, if it's night or day.

9. The Gift- Angels and Airwaves.

And suddenly
You’ve done it all
You won me over
In no time at all

And now I’ll stop the storm if it rains
I’ll light a path far from here
I’ll make your fear melt away
And the world we know disappear

10. Hurt- Johnny Cash.

I focus on the pain,
the only thing that's real.

Try to kill it all away,
but I remember everything.

I will let you down,
I will make you hurt.

I wear this crown of thorns,
upon my liar's chair.
Full of broken thoughts,
I cannot repair.
Beneath the stains of time,
the feelings disappear.

If I could start again,
a million miles away.
I would keep myself.
I would find a way.

13

Prospective job #13 = FAIL

I wonder how many I can rack up before I lose it....

Happy St Patrick's Day

Morning Music, 3-16-10

1. Forever- Papa Roach.

In the brightest hour
Of my darkest day
I realized
What is wrong with me

Because days! Come and go!
But my feelings for you are forever

2. Machinehead- Bush.

I felt you like electric light

3. Have Faith in Me- A Day to Remember.

So we'll pretend it's alright
and stay in for the night, what a world.
I'll keep you safe here with me.

4. Gimme Some Lovin'- Spencer Davis Group.

It's been a hard day
And nothing went too good
Now I'm gonna relax
Like everybody should

And I'm
So glad we made it
So glad we made it
You gotta
Gimme some lovin'
Gimme some lovin'
Gimme some lovin' everyday.

5. Dirty Little Secret- All-American Rejects.

When we live such fragile lives,
It's the best way we survive,
I go around a time or two,
Just to waste my time with you,

Tell me all that you've thrown away,
find out games you don't wanna play,
you are the only one that needs to know---

I'll keep you my dirty little secret,
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret,
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret.

6. I Don't Want to Wait- The Veronicas.

Everytime you stay (every time you stay)
The world starts making sense to me
And when you go away (when you go away)
I wanna scream till you see...

7. Breathe- Angels and Airwaves.

My hands shake clasped with fear, as you come near.
To say goodnight, just like a dove, a peaceful sign.
To help us by, as you come in, let this begin.
Stars fall like dust, our lips will touch, we speak to much.

Did you know, that I love you?
Come and lay with me, I love you.
And on this day, I will love you.
You make me feel alive, and I'll love you,
until the end of time.

I've got a lot to say, if you will let me.
It's always hard, when you're around me.
But here right now, there's interest in your eyes.
So hear me out, and hear this the first time.

8. Just Like Heaven- The Cure.

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways i had
To make her glow

9. Classic Cars- Bright Eyes.

You can go right out of your mind trying to escape
From the panicked paradox of day to day

Never trust a heart that is so bent it can’t break

10. Don't Trust Me- 3OH!3.

Shush girl, shut your lips
Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips

Fear
And panic in the air
I want to be free
From desolation and despair
And I feel
Like everything I saw
Is being swept away
When I refuse to let you go

I can't get it right
Get it right
Since I met you

Loneliness be over
When will this loneliness be over?

Life
Will flash before my eyes
So scattered and lost
I want to touch the other side
And no one
Thinks they are to blame
Why can't we see
That when we bleed we bleed the same?

I can't get it right
Get it right
Since I met you

Loneliness be over
When will this Loneliness be over?

Loneliness be over
When will this Loneliness be over?

Silence

The silence is worth
More than a thousand lives,
This freedom worth
More than all the empires on earth.
To glimpse that truth within yourself,
For even just a moment, is worth
More than all heavens, all worlds,
All this, and all that.

-Rumi

`

Not much to say lately. I usually have a great number of things running through my head at any given time, but lately it's been the same thoughts about the same handful of things....over and over again.

`

My creativity is gone. I don't write. At all. I don't even think about writing. I can barely read right now. I'm just here. I've done all I can think to do, and now I just need to wait for the answers.

`

Sometimes, somehow....that waiting turns to dread.

Morning Music, 3-3-10

1. Low- Flo Rida.

Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans]
Boots with the fur [With the fur]
The whole club was lookin at her
She hit the flo [She hit the flo]
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low

Them baggy sweat pants
And the Reeboks with the straps [With the straps]
She turned around and gave that big booty a slap RAWR

2. Sympathy- Goo Goo Dolls.

It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true

Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was

And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was

3. Addiced- Saving Abel.

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
All the sounds you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
when you're loving me
MMM...Getting warm in here
4. Dancing in the Dark- Bruce Springsteen.

You sit around getting older
there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
come on baby this laugh's on me

5. Falling for You- Colbie Caillat

I've been spending all my..time
Just thinking about ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
:-D
I've been waiting all my.. life
and now i found ya
I dont know what to do
I think I'm falling for you...
I'm falling for you...
:-*
6. Better- Regina Spektor.

If you never say your name out loud to anyone
They can never ever call you by it

You're getting sadder, getting sadder, getting sadder, getting sadder
And I don't understand, and I don't understand
But if I kiss you where it's sore
If I kiss you where it's sore
Will you feel better, better, better?
Will you feel anything at all?

7. Thinking About You- Norah Jones.

Yesterday I saw the sun shinin',
And the leaves were fallin' down softly,
My cold hands needed a warm, warm touch,
And I was thinkin' about you.

8. Burn it to the Ground- Nickelback.

We're screaming like demons, swinging from the ceiling
I got a fist full of fifties, tequila just hit me

Ticking like a time bomb, drinking till the night's gone
Well get you hands off of this glass, last call my ass
Well no chains, no lock, and this train won't stop
We got no fear, no doubt, all in balls out

We're going off tonight
To kick out every light
Take anything we want
Drink everything in sight
We'll go until the world stops turning

9. A-Punk- Vampire Weekend.

Johanna drove slowly into the city
The Hudson River all filled with snow
She spied the ring on His Honor's finger
Oh-oh-oh
Yeah, I have no clue what that means....just like singing it.
10. Your Body is a Wonderland- John Mayer
And where else would I want to be?
One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue
OH....MY....
Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it
:-*

Why Bother?

I've been overcome by a "why bother?" attitude today. Actually, I guess in some ways it has been there a lot longer. My hair is a great example. I want to have it longer than it's been the last few years, but I have not had it cut in a few months and it's starting to look a little rough. But why bother cutting it?

My weight is another example. I have recently started to watch what I eat again, but you can definitely tell that I haven't cared too much about it in the last few years at all. Even carrying extra weight, I was always still relatively healthy....so why bother?

Today it seems to have crept into my career and school outlook. I have an exam today that I haven't studied for at all, a homework assignment due at the beginning of class today that I haven't touched, and a lab tonight that I need to prepare for....and all I can think is, "why bother?"

I know I went into detail on here not too long ago about the whole job thing and what's bothering me about that, so I won't rehash too much....but just thinking about the amount of time I've been stuck in one place has really gotten to me. It's not the place so much as the position. In the last few years I have watched so many people come and go, most going on to bigger and better things, as I sat in the same chair. Watching friends and colleagues earn better things for themselves is always nice, and I'd never begrudge them what they deserve....but am I out of line for thinking I deserve something other than a pat on the back every now and again?

I honestly believe there is no one that performs their job better than I perform my own. Many people do just as well, but I don't believe anyone could ever outwork me. Couple that with my intelligence and ability to pick up anything quickly, and I truly believe that I am a great candidate for any job....much less the jobs that I've been applying for which I definitely qualify for. And all I ask is for a fair shake....a little balance. I want the same opportunity that anyone else gets, yet I don't think I have....and am beginning to really think that I never will if I continue to sit in the same chair those 8 hours a day M-F. Yet, everything I've tried to get away from that chair has ended in a resounding thud....some worse than others. And I am surrounded by constant reminders.

Of course, me being me, I can't leave it at that. So I begin to question even more. Why? What are the reasons behind all this? There is only one place I can rightfully point my finger....and that is at myself. Maybe it all comes down to me being wrong about everything I just said. And the more I think about it, the more evidence there is to support that. Maybe I am just fooling myself, and all these things I pride myself on aren't accurate.

I know it's very hard to look at ourselves objectively, but I always thought I was very good at it. Maybe I am wrong about that too, but I think my overwhelming sense of self-doubt lately supports my claim....at least a little.

In putting all this together, I seem to come back to the same conclusion over and over again; I am wrong. In the end, I must not be seeing myself as well as others do. And it's really shaking my foundation to think that I am not the employee/prospective employee that I always thought I was....and, therefore, not the man I think myself to be either.

In Like a Lion....

March is finally upon us, and with it comes a great sense of "Spring is on the way". Or at least that's what it seems like so far. A lot of people, myself included, are very encouraged to see our snowy February come to an end.

Of course we could still have a bunch of snow in March, this IS Michigan after all, but January and February are generally the hardest months to deal with, so that mental block is gone now and we can all focus on the fact that we survived the worst, and it's just going to get better from now on.