Morning Music, 12-29-09

I gotta believe this is the last one of the year....

1. Blue Monday- Orgy.

How does it feel
To treat me like you do
When you've laid your hands upon me
And told me who you are

I thought I was mistaken
I thought I heard your words
Tell me how do I feel
Tell me now how do I feel

2. Ride to California- Paper Tongues.

Interstate freeway green light go
you can even get a plane or a train if the traffic´s slow
I bet you won´t beat me
I´ve been waiting for a mighty long time
So you best believe

I´ve been up but I ain't down
I´ve been lost but now I'm found
I need a ticket for sure
If you got another seat on the plane
Would you let me go

3. Blood on My Hands- The Used.

Feel the pain that I never show,
I hope you know,
It's never healing.
I hate to say that I told you so, but I told you so.

4. Swing Life Away- Rise Against.

Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage.
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.

5. You're Going Down- Sick Puppies.

I feel the heat comin’ off of the blacktop
And it makes me want it more
Because I’m hyped up out of control
If it’s a fight, I’m ready to go
I wouldn’t put my money on the other guy
If you know what I know that I know

6. Broken- Lifehouse.

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on

7. Meet Me on the Equinox- Death Cab for Cutie.

Meet me on your best behavior
Meet me at your worst
For there will be no stone unturned
Or bubble left to burst

Let me lay beside you, darling
Let me be your man
And let our bodies intertwine

8. Mouth- Bush.

All your mental armor drags me down
Nothing hurts like your mouth

9. California Sun- The Ramones

Well I'm going out west where I belong
Where the days are short and the nights are long

10. Changes- 2Pac

We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

Riding the Wave

For the last few days, I have been riding a wave of "feel good" emotion. I am normally a relatively happy person, always thankful for who and what I have in my life. Anyone who knows me pretty well can tell you that it wasn't always that way though. As a matter of fact for a few years, I was rather unhappy. Slowly but surely, I changed the way I looked at things and turned into someone with a much better outlook on everything in his life.

Recently, it has seemed as if I took a step back from all that progress I made. I noticed it, and tried to hide it....but those close to me weren't fooled and called me out on it. I wasn't trying to be sullen or melancholy....those traits are only popular in fictional characters. I was actually trying my hardest to be my normal shiny, happy self....and maybe that in and of itself also contributed to my sour moods.

For a while, I fought awfully hard against my emotions....all the while knowing I was wrong to do so, but thinking I had to stay strong for the people around me. It's really not easy when the people in your family who you have looked up to all your life, your heroes really, tell you in a time of crisis that YOU are the backbone of the family. Mind you, I am flattered to be thought of that way....but the added stress when things really hit the fan is not something I readily welcome. Very often I handle my personal stress by withdrawing a bit, but thinking about how I need to help everyone else through makes that withdrawal a little more noticeable.

So how is it that now, amidst some of the worst things many people close to me could ever go through, that I am in such a good mood all of a sudden? Well, to be honest, it really isn't all of a sudden. Some like to say that time heals all wounds, but I'm not really a subscriber to that. I believe that time helps you add perspective, commonly referred to as wisdom when coupled with personal experiences. This perspective or wisdom helps you see things a little clearer, and evaluate them, and what they mean to you, a lot better.

Many people file that under the heading of "healing", but I file it under "learning". And considering I have a life long quest to learn as much as I can, especially about myself, I consider this a very important process. Not only important, but extremely healthy too. My mental and emotional dexterity can always use a nice workout, so while it may not be fun to go through these rough patches....I do welcome them as part of my maturation process.

Probably the biggest thing to set me in motion on this wave has been my outlook for the future. Things are a lot different now than a few months ago. Instead of starting the new year in a new city with a new job, I will be here doing the same old thing for a little longer....and debating on if/when I will pursue moving out there again. School was put on hold for said relocation, and I will be going back in a few weeks, assuming I can get into the classes I want. I don't have a car....I've been driving a borrowed car for almost two months. So many things are up in the air right now....and I don't mind one bit.

I've hurdled the obstacles of the past few weeks....past few months....past few years, and I've always come out smiling. Even when one trips me up and I fall for a little bit, I get up, dust myself off, and head back into the race with even more determination. Well, I am back up now and focused on what I really want out of life. The great thing about that is....I know it's well within my reach, and I am reminded of that on a daily basis. Things are good....and will be getting a lot better.

A Game of Thrones

OK, I am NOT going back to my old habit of making sure to get one post out a month. Of course I want to get at least one out every month, but I need to make sure to take my time here and there to post a little something, even if there isn't much going on to talk about. For a while there early this year, my voice here was strong and frequent....now it seems to have become an insignificant whisper.

I'm not going to make any promises, not going to make any resolutions, not going to make any guarantees. The only thing I am going to make is an effort to post more. What it all comes down to, really, is that this blog is for me. Make no mistakes, I enjoy having the few people who care enough to read it....but in the end it is all for me. And I need to make sure to do more posting....for me.

With that all being said, I recently finished a book I never would have thought to read, but came across it by chance. A couple months ago I was digging around to find out some information on AFI's new album "Crash Love" and, more importantly to me, see if I could find out how the tour for the album would affect the next release from Blaqk Audio. For those who don't know, Blaqk Audio is comprised of two of the four members of AFI.

I found my way to Jade Puget's (one of the members of both bands) blog, Shy Boys Win, and saw this blurb about the book in his recommendations: "I don't think I've ever recommended a fantasy epic, so here you go. This series is so good it had me running frantically around Berlin on tour, trying to find an English language version of the next book."

I decided that was quite an endorsement, and seeing as I admire his creativity, along with the fact that he went against the grain here by recommending a fantasy epic, I picked up the book to check it out. Fantasy epics aren't my thing either, but I figured I would try it on for size and, worst case scenario, pass it on to a friend if I didn't like it.

Well, I liked it. So much so, that before I completed the first title, I ordered the rest of the series that is already available. There are currently four (of seven) out right now, with the 5th one just around the corner. I am hoping that the fifth book comes out around the time I finish the fourth. Seeing as they are pretty long books and that I will be starting up classes again in January, that should give the author/publishing company time to get their heads out of their respective arses and get the book in print already.

So here I sit, blogging....when all I want to do it pick up the second book and get deeper into it. Now that I think about it....that sounds like a rather good idea. Time to wrap up here and grab my book.

Morning Music 11-25-09

Well, I've had this as a draft for over a week now....guess it's about time to post it.

1. Kings and Queens- 30 Seconds to Mars. "The age of man is over A darkness comes and all These lessons that we learned here Have only just begun"

2. Savior- Rise Against. "Uncurled the fingers in your hand, Pressed into the flesh like sand"

3. Hooked on a Feeling- "I can't stop this feelin' deep inside of me
Girl, you just don't realize what you do to me
When ya hold me in your arms so tight
You let me know everything's all right
I-I-I, I'm hooked on a feelin'
High on believin' that you're in love with me
Lips are sweet as candy, the taste stays on my mind
Girl, you keep me thirsty for another cup of wine
I got it bad for you, girl but I don't need a cure
I'll just stay addicted and hope I can endure
All the good love when we're all alone
Keep it up, girl, yeah ya turn me on"

4. Afterlife- Avenged Sevenfold. "I pray by the grace of God that there's somebody listening, Give me a chance to be that person I wanna be"

5. The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows- Brand New. "I lie for only you. And I lie well...Hallelu..."

6. Just Like Heaven- The Cure. "Spinning on that dizzy edge, I kissed her face and kissed her head, and dreamed of all the different ways I had, to make her glow."

7. Bliss- Muse. "Everything about you is how I'd wanna be, Your freedom comes naturally, Everything about you resonates happiness, Now I won't settle for less."

8. Dangerous- Ying Yang Twins, feat Wyclef. "I see the fire in her eyes, Fire in her eyes, The way she moves, She got the fire in her eyes, Fire on her waist, Fire in her thighs,I love the scandal"

9. Whisper to a Scream- Icicle Works. "Love comes, down upon us, Till you flow like water, Burning, with the hope of insight, Feathered, look they're covered, with a bright elation, Stolen, in the sight of love"

10, Walkin' After Midnight- Patsy Cline. "I go out walkin', After midnight, Out in the starlight, Just hoping you may be, Somewhere walkin', After midnight, Searching for me."