Rewind

One of my favorite things about this blog is the fact that I can look back at posts from years ago and read exactly what was going on in my mind, and my life, at that time. When major events happen, it's interesting to read what I had to say right before or right after the event. Sometimes, the post before will take on an entirely new meaning when life throws me a curveball. At a time like this, I don't have to look back too far to find a post like that.

This post was written the day before my crash. Reading it now takes me back to what was on my mind that day, and also makes me realize how differently I take those words now.

Moonless Night

Sometimes the smallest things can send me into my deepest thoughts, and often about something which would seem, at first, totally unrelated.
BEFORE YOU, MY LIFE WAS LIKE A MOONLESS NIGHT
The last two weeks, I have been greeted by Venus and the moon as I walked out the door every morning for work, and then had them guide me through my commute, both of them hanging in front of me for almost all of my drive.
VERY DARK, BUT THERE WERE STARS- POINTS OF LIGHT AND REASON
Each morning, less and less of the moon would wake with me, slowly waning into a sliver of a crescent, while Venus didn't even blink. This morning, not even the slightest bit of moonlight shone upon me as I dutifully walked to my truck. My path today, lit only by Venus.
AND THEN YOU SHOT ACROSS MY SKY LIKE A METEOR
I scanned the radio stations as I drove in, never hearing what was actually playing, while my mind did it's own version of scanning. Jumping from one loosely related subject to the next, my thoughts bounced throughout my brain, touching even the most remote of thoughts hidden in my dark corners.
SUDDENLY EVERYTHING WAS ON FIRE;
I thought about everything. I thought about nothing.
THERE WAS BRILLIANCY, THERE WAS BEAUTY
My mind settled into a topic to ponder, the cyclical nature of life, as I drew close to my destination, the unyielding light of Venus staring straight at me, and the moon most noticeably absent.
WHEN YOU WERE GONE
My thoughts bounded from my own life, to the lives of those close to me, to the lives of people in general and as a whole. Then a random thought from last night popped into my head, and my focus shifted from thoughts of life, to thoughts of death.
WHEN THE METEOR HAD FALLEN OVER THE HORIZON
As I laid me down to sleep last night, my mind began the unwinding process. One of the random thoughts, or more so a mental picture, was of myself dead and about to be buried. I didn't actually see myself dead, but I saw the grave I was about to be buried in and just knew it was mine. The only reason I found this strange was because I plan to be cremated, not buried. The fact that I was dead didn't bother me, but the fact that I was being buried kinda did.
EVERYTHING WENT BLACK
I don't know why this random thought jumped into my head as I was thinking about life, but I guess it's not a big stretch to go from one to the other.
NOTHING HAD CHANGED, BUT MY EYES WERE BLINDED BY THE LIGHT
With my thoughts now shifted to death, it didn't take me long to start questioning my own thoughts about something similar to death, but not death in and of itself. I found myself asking why we have a word dedicated to the period of time AFTER your existence is over, but not one for before your existence has even begun. We aren't, then we are, then we aren't again. Isn't that the cycle of life in a nutshell? Then why isn't there an accepted word, at least not known to me, for the period of time before we are born?
I COULDN'T SEE THE STARS ANYMORE
What a crazy question to come to, just because I couldn't see the moon this morning. I am often in awe at how my mind gets from point A to point B....and sometimes I just gotta say WTF?
AND THERE WAS NO MORE REASON FOR ANYTHING
I guess WTF could be described as a state of awe, but not the kind I'd generally strive for.

Afternoon Music 9-06-09

1. Jesus- Brand New.

"Do you believe you're missing out?
That everything good is happening somewhere else
But with nobody in your bed
The night is hard to get through"

2. Animal I Have Become- Three Days Grace.

`

"I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see
The darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal"

3. She's Always a Woman- Billy Joel.

"She hides like a child,
But she's always a woman to me"

4. Come Alive- Foo Fighters.

`

"Seems like only yesterday
Life belonged to runaways
Nothing here to see
No looking back
Every sound monotone
Every color monochrome
Light began to fade Into the black

Such a simple animal
Sterilized with alcohol
I could hardly
Feel me anymore

Desperate and meaningless
All filled up with emptiness
Felt like everything
Was said and done

I lay there in the dark
And I close my eyes
You saved me the day
You came alive"
`

5. Given Up- Linkin Park.

"There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy"

6. Glamour Boys- Living Colour.

"But just like things you can't afford on credit

Time catches up and you have to pay"

7. Doesn't Remind Me- Audioslave.

"Bend and shape me, I love the way you are

Slow and sweetly, like never before

Calm and sleeping, we won't stir up the past

So discreetly, we won't look back"

8. Addicted to Love- Robert Palmer.

"Your heart sweats, your body shakes

Another kiss is what it takes"

9. I'm Yours- The Script.

"I may not have the softest touch

I may not say the words as such

And though I may not look like much

I'm yours

And though my edges may be rough

And never feel I'm quite enough

It may not seem like very much

But I'm yours

You healed these scars over time

Embraced my soul

You loved my mind

You're the only angel in my life"

`

10. When It's Over- Sugar Ray.

`

"All the things that I used to say

All the words that got in the way

All the things that I used to know

Have gone out the window

All the things that she used to bring

All the songs she used to sing

All the favorite TV shows

Have gone out the window"

My Weekend; So Far, So Good

It's been a couple weeks since I laid the X down, and I am happy to have come as far as I have with my recovery, but holy shit am I tired of this couch. I think I have spent more time on this couch in the last two weeks than I had all year before my crash. I'm going a little stir crazy here.

Last night, in an attempt to lift my couch-ridden spirits, I suggested Mark and I head to No. VI Chophouse to get some of the best steak around. I absolutely love the filet they have there, and I can find a way to justify the price every now and again because I like it so much. It's definitely my favorite place to eat steak around here, and one of my favorites I've ever eaten at. I was definitely a happy man when we got there.

The food was fantastic, but some of the conversations we overheard are what really made the dinner experience. The lack of common sense in an individual never ceases to amaze me, but it was definitely amplified because of the fine dining setting. From the LOUD girl behind me bragging about her vibrating licorice panties, to the HAMMERED lady that crashed another dinner parties' conversation on her way out to talk about martinis with a bunch of people that obviously didn't want her there, to the DUMB waiter telling the people behind us about his "chemistry experiment" with salt and ice, there was a lot for me to shake my head at.

After dinner we stopped at Gus O'Connor's to watch the end of the Tigers game, and I tried out my bar stamina for the first time in about a week. While I am definitely getting better every day, I still can't sit in one place for too long without pain, unless I have something to elevate and support my legs. I made it through to the end of the game, but pretty much darted out the door when the last pitch was thrown.

At home Mark and I watched some TV, had a couple interesting discussions, and then watched a few episodes of the third season of Dexter when Paul came over about 1:00.

I was happy to sleep in today, and actually slept longer than I had planned on because I decided not to take the X out for a diagnostic ride today to see how she is acting since the crash. I WANT to do it, but covering up my leg wounds to put on jeans is not gonna happen for a while if I can help it.

Instead I went out and did a couple things this afternoon, making my way to Rosenau Powersports at one point to look at new riding gear. I only saw a few things I like, but will definitely have to look up Olympia gloves here in a minute, and only tried on one jacket. I loved the look of the jacket, and it fit rather well....but it was just leather (not even that thick) and had no crash pads in it at all. After seeing how the pads in my kevlar jacket saved my joints, I'll never buy another riding jacket without them.

While I was putting on the jacket, this beautiful blonde girl there saw me struggling with it because of my shoulder injury, and tried to help me with it. Unfortunately, I was kind of a dick about not letting her help me....because I am independent normally as it is, but even more so now with my injuries. Hopefully she didn't take it too personally, since I didn't even say I was sorry. As a matter of fact, if I could apologize to her right now I would.

Rosenau was the last place I stopped today, and I made it home pretty early....but I still had a great afternoon. My improving health and an extra day off from work should make this a pretty good weekend, even though I had to cancel my Arts, Beats, and Eats plans for tonight. We'll see what I can get into tomorrow to keep my good weekend rolling. LOL. Get into. See what I did there?

Morning Music 9-02-09

1. Bad Medicine- Bon Jovi. "now this boy's addicted cause your kiss is the drug....I got a dirty down addiction, It doesn't leave a track I got a jounce for your affection, Like a monkey on my back There ain't no paramedic, Gonna save this heart attack....let's play doctor, baby, Cure my disease....You're an all night generator wrapped in stockings and a dress....You got the potion that can cure my disease"

2. Heat of the Moment- Asia. "It was the heat of the moment Telling me what my heart meant The heat of the moment showed in your eyes"

3. Collect Call- Metric. "I know its a lie, I want it to be true The rest of the ride is riding on you Over goodbyes we'll buy some place"

4. Pretty Girl (The Way)- Sugarcult. "And that's what you get for falling again You can never get him out of your head....It's the way That he makes you feel It's the way That he kisses you It's the way That he makes you fall in love....She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego"

5. Thanks for the Memories- Fall Out Boy. "I want these words to make things right But it's the wrongs that makes the words come to life....Been looking forward to the future But my eyesight is going bad And this crystal ball It's always cloudy except for When you look into the past"

6. Thoughts of a Dying Atheist- Muse. "Eerie whispers trapped beneath my pillow won't let me sleep your memories....I know you're in this room I'm sure I heard you sigh floating in-between where our worlds collide....I know the moment's near and there's nothing we can do....It scares the hell out of me and the end is all I can see"

7. Once & for All- Foo Fighters. "Oh bring to me your broken and blue, No matter if it matters to you. A longing like never before, Ive had enough now I need more."

8. Every Rose Has It's Thorn- Poison. "Every rose has its thorn Just like every night has its dawn Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song Every rose has its thorn"

9. In Between- Linkin Park. "trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed And somehow I got caught up in between....trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed And somehow I got caught up in between....Between my pride and my promise Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way And things I want to say to you get lost before they come The only thing that's worse than one is none"

10. Seven Nation Army- The White Stripes. "the message coming from my eyes Says leave it alone....All the words are gonna bleed from me And I will think no more"

Bonus Song:

I'm usually very strict with my ten song rule....but I seem to love breaking rules, so I am fine adding another song today. It just seems very fitting considering today's date and the fact that I saw this video for the very first time last night....and this song is at least 4 years old.

11. Wake Me Up When September Ends- Green Day. "Summer has come and passed The innocent can never last....Here comes the rain again Falling from the stars Drenched in my pain again Becoming who we are....As my memory rests But never forgets what I lost Wake me up when September ends"