Oh Lord, Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

Morning Music, 5-27-10

1. Tik Tok- Ke$ha.
I sure didn't feel much like P. Diddy when I woke up today....unless he is always sleep deprived and dreading the upcoming work day. Well, now that I think about it, maybe he does feel like that.

Aint got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Aint got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
Now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

I'm talkin' bout - everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys tryna touch my junk, junk
Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk
Now, now - we goin' til they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us down

2. Midnight Confessions- Grass Roots.

The sound of your footsteps
Telling me that you're near
Your soft gentle motion, baby
Brings out the need in me that no-one can hear, except

In my midnight confessions
When I tell all the world that I love you
In my midnight confessions
When I say all the things that I want to
I love you

Staggering through the daytime
Your image on my mind
Passing so close beside you baby
Sometimes the feelings are so hard to hide, except

In my midnight confessions
When I tell all the world that I love you
In my midnight confessions
When I say all the things that I want to
I love you

3. To Where the River Flows- Collective Soul.

Give me a moment
Got to get this weight up off my chest
Don't feed me sorrow
Pain is a poison I digest

4. Even Flow- Pearl Jam.

Even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies
Oh, he don't know so he chases them away-yeah
Oh, someday, yea, he'll begin his life again
Life again, Life again

5. Sex and Candy- Marcy Playground.

Hangin' round downtown by myself
And I had so much time
To sit and think about myself
And then there she was
Like double cherry pie
Yeah there she was
Like disco superfly
I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting devious stares
In my direction
Mama this surely is a dream, yeah
Yeah, mama this surely is a dream
Dig it
MMMM, Cherry Pie
Hangin' round downtown by myself
And I had too much caffeine
And I was thinkin' 'bout myself
And then there she was
In platform double suede
Yeah there she was
Like disco lemonade

6. Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood- Santa Esmeralda.
Being the classic rock purist that I am, I'd never have guessed that I would like this version of the song. It's probably good I didn't even know this version existed until a few years back when Kill Bill came out. Had I heard this too much before then I would have disregarded it all together or completely loathed it as I did with so many other classic rock covers when I was younger. It's definitely a good thing that I have grown even more open minded as I have gotten older.

Baby, sometimes I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
And sometimes it seems that, all I have to do is worry
And then you're bound to see my other side

'Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

If I seem edgy
I want you to know
That I never meant to take it out on you
Life has its problems
And I got my share
And that's one thing I never meant to do
'Cause I love you

7. 4am- Our Lady Peace.

If I don't make it
Know that I've loved you all along
Just like sunny days that
We ignore because
We're all dumb and jaded
And I hope to God I figure out what's wrong

I walked around my room not thinking
Just sinking in this box
I blame myself for being too much
Like somebody else
I never thought I would just bend this way

8. Cruel Summer- Bananarama.

The city is crowded my friends are away and I'm on my own
It's too hot to handle so I gotta get up and go

It's a cruel ... cruel ... cruel summer
Leaving me here on my own
It's a cruel ... it's a cruel .. cruel summer
Now you've gone

9. Wild Horses- The Rolling Stones.
I always liked this song, but for some reason it never felt right when the Stones sang it. A few years back I heard Jewel cover this song and was amazed at how much she added to it with her voice and the way she sang it. To me Mick seems to just be singing these lyrics while Jewel seemed passionate about them. Just my thoughts.

Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, wild horses, we'll ride them some day

10. Followed the Waves- Auf Der Maur.

Break my heart
The cards of fate
Seal the deal
My heart lies, my heart lies to you

I followed the waves to you,
I cannot see it through
But my heart lies to you
You’ll never have me true

Between my fire sighs and my burning eyes
My heart burns wildly in his eyes
He's just a drunken, gambling man
Dealing with the hand of desire's thing

I'm gonna shuffle his deck clean
I'm gonna shuffle his deck clean

OTA Link

Any NFL fan has heard the "uproar" the last few days over some veteran players missing their team's voluntary workouts. My stance has always been kind of, "Eh....what does it matter?"

For almost a decade I had season tickets for the Lions. Most of the Barry Sanders era was encompassed in those years. How many mandatory training camps did Barry ever go to? He held out ALL of preseason during his ROOKIE year....that year he was only the best rusher in the league, and even passed at a chance to go back into the final game of the year so he could win the rushing title over Christian Okoye, who was already done for the season. Barry finished a scant 10 yards behind the Nigerian Nightmare that season, and in accepting second when he could have led the league in rushing as a rookie showed a lot about his character. I mean, how many rookie RBs would do that same thing if given the chance? My money is on the under, no matter what that might be. Still, Barry never went to training camp.

I found this article about the OTA fury that has surfaced lately and thought it was worthy of a link. Check it out if you are at all interested.

More Random Dreams

Waking up throughout the night makes it easier to remember my dreams, and this week I have had a hard time sleeping through an entire REM cycle....so I have had a few more dreams stick to my memory.

Last night/this morning I had a dream about planning a trip to Vegas. Not strange in and of itself, but the fact that I was planning to drive there, and it wasn't a really long trip, is very strange. I think I also estimated the drive time to be somewhere between 8-12 hours....I only wish Vegas were that close. Probably a good thing that it's not.

At one point in the dream I remember suggesting we drive to Texas instead because looking at the map, Texas was a lot closer. And by that I mean it was closer than Vegas and closer than it actually is in reality. I thing the panhandle extended up to where southern Indiana would normally be when I looked at the dream map. And as opposed to Vegas, I am kinda happy that Texas, or more accurately the Texans who reside in Texas, is as far away as it is.

The next dream I remember is shorter and less detailed. I was driving home from work, and when I got to Chase and Hemlock I saw a HUGE tornado on the east side of chase moving west toward the area where my house is. Somehow my truck disappeared from under me and I was suddenly walking, although that didn't seem the slightest bit abnormal to me in the dream. With the tornado changing course a few times and looking like it might come toward me, I ended up looking for cover but finding nothing but an open field. The tornado moved on without hitting me, nor destroying anything anywhere it actually traveled, but it was still pretty intense nonetheless.

The Only Exception

I have really liked Paramore since I first heard them. This song has been on my radio a lot lately, and I pretty much love it.

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

Miss USA

So this year's Miss USA is from my hometown. Glad to see that the country has finally realized something about Dearborn girls that I have known for about 20 years....they are pretty effing hot. I mean, why else would I still live only 6 houses from where I grew up?

Unfortunately, in this day and age, the minute you win something prestigious like the Miss USA title, EVERYONE starts digging through your dirty laundry like you are running for president or something. So instead of being able to completely enjoy being crowned Miss USA, which is something I am sure at least 90% of girls dream about at one time or another in their lives, Rima Fakih now has to deal with people digging up old photos and videos and plastering them all over the internet with eye-catching headlines about "Stripper Poles" and "Raunchy" videos.

Now of course there is talk that she may have to forfeit her crown because of these past "transgressions", which I think is a load of BS. Personally I don't think they'd take it away from her, but you never know. And it'd be terribly hypocritical for the pageant to take away her win for these photos or video considering the promo shots they used of her seemed more "raunchy" to me than the one being slung around now. Just take a look at these two pics:

I don't see how they could justify using these shots to promote their show, AND take away her crown for the material that came out yesterday....especially when she shows a LOT more skin in these two pics than in the "controversial" material. Truth be told, those pictures aren't even worthy of a post on this blog. They were kinda dumb, to be honest. These on the other hand....they were good enough to bend my 1 picture per post rule. :-)

According to Doyle

"Grief is like a disease, a worm that eats on you from the inside out. It's something you can feel, but can't quite see. You're just not the same as you were before that worm started in on you."

~Doyle Brunson

From "The Godfather of Poker"

I am nearly finished with this book, and of all the things in the book that struck me....this one just seemed to stick. Doyle is an intelligent, insightful man. I am very happy I picked up this book and was able to see some of his non-poker wisdom in print.

There Will be Moustaches

File this one under "I have no idea where this came from."

Over the last few nights, my dreams have had one strange thing in common....middle aged dudes with mustaches. And I think the funniest thing of all is that none of them were my father.

Of the dreams, only one really sticks out in my mind and that is the one that had someone in it who looked an awful lot like Daniel Day-Lewis from There Will be Blood. Long story short, the guy too a special interest in me and my life and was watching me. Kinda stalker-ish, but hey....I'm used to a little bit of stalking here and there anyway, right?

Well, at one point it got really creepy because he wanted to watch everything I did. EVERYTHING. Just my morning routine alone would be horrible to share with anyone....much less other various things throughout the day. He ended up offering me money, but I just couldn't handle it.

One of the few positives about not sleeping well lately is that I tend to remember more dreams now than when I do sleep well.

How to Destroy Angels

04 from How To Destroy Angels on Vimeo.

Time to Go....

Obvious statement number 47; I am someone who avoids funeral homes.

Yesterday was my first visit to one in almost 2 years, when my cousin Danny died. I didn't want to be at that one either, but Danny was only a month older than me and we were really close friends as kids, even playing football together for a year on a city rec team. Seeing him in his casket just reaffirmed one of the things I dislike so much about funerals. My last memory of him wasn't anything spectacular, it was just Danny being himself at a family party. We didn't talk much, and hadn't talked much at all in years. Our lives went in different directions, and that was basically it.

When I think about Danny, it's generally memories of us doing things as kids. Throwing each other, and anyone else unfortunate enough to be near us, around inside a moonwalk at a railroad picnic, ragging on him whenever we'd meet girls and he would clam up and not say a word, or avoiding contact drills with each other during football practice. We were always about the same size, but at that time I was much stronger than Danny, I would often play OL/DL and he was strictly a WR/DB, so lining up against each other in practice would have just led to humiliation for him when I ran him over, or even MORE humiliation for me if he ran me over. The coaches understood that, and since we were both really good players they let it slide to help maintain our egos.

Almost all of my memories of him are things like that. A smiling, happy-go-lucky kid. Not the guy I saw laying in that box. That's the one thing I would have liked to have changed about being at his funeral. I was going to go to that one no matter what, but wished it would have been handled a little different.

Danny's was one of only three funerals in the last 10 years that I really felt a need to go to. Shunta' and my uncle Dennis were the other two. Shunta' had a closed casket, and my uncle was cremated so I didn't deal with that at either of their funerals. All three were very close to me in one way or another, and all three left this existence suddenly and too damn early. That had a lot to do with my desire to be there, and wasn't just family obligation like last night.

There are plenty of reasons to avoid funeral homes, but to me I think the biggest thing is seeing people I really care about in a state of grief when someone close to them dies. I handle those situations MUCH better one on one, but there is always the mass effect to deal with in the funeral home. I often counter that by finding one or two people to talk to someplace other than the main viewing area. Last night it was the lounges. One downstairs where I could find a bottle of water, the other at the top of those stairs, right by this oh-so-lovely wall clock. Of the 4 hours we were there, I spent about 90 minutes combined in these two areas, and most of that was in the upper lounge talking one-on-one with a cousin.

He is actually a second cousin, and closer to my dad's age than my own, but we had quite a good talk for a lot longer than either of us expected, and he decided to impart upon me some wisdom from his life experience. I guess I'd be expected to divulge that now, but I am gonna keep that all to myself.

Going to the funeral home yesterday did solidify my wishes for after I die though. I have pretty much always wanted to be cremated, but I am obviously very anti-funeral home. I'd much prefer a Marktoberfest style party over some quiet, stuffy service. Hell, it'd be the one time I'd lift any of my three party rules....but only the one about the kids. If any douchebags or guys with popped collars show up to that, I will haunt them for all eternity. I'll have the time.