Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Marching On
I find it hard to believe that today is the last day of March. It seems like just yesterday that we were making plans for Marktoberfest and discussing options for New Year's....and now we're a quarter way through 2009. I'm not at all complaining. The latest winter of of discontent is now over, and we are we on our way to much more pleasant weather. Everyone around here could use a little more sun in their lives. Some more than others.
I've been trying to find the motivation to write an epic post today. I have a ton of thoughts that go along with flipping the page on my calendar. I just can't do it. I'm somewhat disenchanted at the moment and have found it hard to express just about anything lately. Starving myself and abstaining from caffeine are not helping, let me tell you.
I am waiting on an answer. More accurately, I am waiting on a question. Within this question lies my answers for many other questions. Naturally, I am going to speculate on what these answers will be anyway....somewhat preparing me for the realities of answering these questions with a question. Whether or not this makes sense, it's still somewhat draining. Throw in a little sleep deprivation and a couple of personal issues, and you've got one disenchanted red-skinned potato.
I may not have the answers. I may not have the questions. I still have my resolve. I know everything will be fine, no matter what. I just have a hard time waiting around when I know I could be doing something to resolve these questions....if I only knew which questions to resolve.
Patience is what I preach. I always advise my friends to "give it time". I don't really struggle with patience myself, but it's hard to practice what I preach with such a restless spirit. Nonetheless, it's what I need to do. It's what I have been doing, and will continue to do. That doesn't mean I can't hope to hear this question sooner rather than later.
So come on. Ask me already.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Day 8
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Morning Music 3/25/09
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
You Know That I Could Use Somebody....
Monday, March 23, 2009
Day 1
For a couple years now I have had a standing agreement with my mom. If I can drop down to 200 lbs or less, she will quit smoking. The last time I weighed less than that, I was a teenager. According to the personal trainer I consulted last week, it won't be very easy for me to do. With the amount of lean mass I have on my body, I would probably need to get my body fat percentage into the single digits to drop below 200. I know that it's not always easy obtaining something you want, but I have shown more motivation for a number of things in the last year than I had in the previous 5 or so. I broke out of my rut a few months back, hopefully this is the start of a new, rut-free, journey.
Starting weight: 244.5
Lets see exactly how quickly I can get to 200, and what my body fat percentage is when I get there.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes....
The world works in strange ways. You can spend most of your life dreaming about something, then when you finally realize it's just a dream and move on....it doesn't take but a minute to drop back into your lap and say, "Here I am!"
After years of hoping to find a path that will take me where I need to be, since I didn't know where that was, I finally know my destination and can see plenty of paths to get there. Now I just have to choose the one that fits me best.
Along the way I know I will have to give up a lot, but how much is too much? At what point will I give away so much that I end up losing myself in the process?
I have changed a lot over the years, and am definitely not afraid of change. Little by little, we all change every day. It's a gradual process with some big jumps here and there, but real change takes time. It has to. Even if you quit something cold turkey, you still crave it. Over time you won't crave it anymore. One day, you can even forget about it.
My issue here is figuring out how much I can walk away from in a short period of time, given the recent changes I've already gone through. I know I will figure out what is best for me....I just hope it's sooner rather than later.
Friday, March 20, 2009
If Your Body Matches What Your Eyes Can Do....
Another morning that I have to get up and go to work....another random playlist. Today I let Mr. iPod select all the songs for me. It won't be long before I am writing a post titled R.i.P.od, so I might as well let him have his fun while he still can.
1. Paralyzer- Finger 11. I pretty much love this song. Great way to start the day. I couldn't have picked a better song myself. Thanks iPod.
2. Rapid Hope Loss- Dashboard Confessional. I need to ban most of their songs from my shuffle playlists. This is too "ugh" for a Friday morning. I don't want any of this lover's lament crap. I want something peppy, something happy, something up-tempo. I want something snappy. Or maybe this is iPod's way of telling me I need to provide someone a confessional by the dashboard light....or maybe I just read too much into things.
3. Ghosts, some number, one of the fours discs- Nine Inch Nails. Ironically, after thinking about how my iPod was going to crash soon, I had a problem with it freezing up after the 6th song on my shuffle playlist, so I can't go back and see exactly which track off the the album this was. I just know it was one of the more NIN-ish tracks, and it was only about 2:30 in duration. A nice rebound from the Dashboard song.
4. Torch- Alanis Morissette. So my iPod is definitely bipolar today. Back to the sad, weepy stuff. That being said, I actually like this song. I've never thought Alanis was a great singer, but I have always respected her songwriting. I don't know exactly what it is about her latest album, whether it's the fact that she seems so much less bitter now than she used to or the fact that this album is mostly about her very public breakup a couple years ago, but I really like a lot of the songs on the CD. I'll probably listen to it in full later today.
5. Ring of Fire- Johnny Cash. YES!
6. I've Got You Under My Skin- Frank Sinatra. Great song detailing how easy it can be to fall for someone you really shouldn't, even as you remind yourself what a bad idea it is. "Don't you know little fool, you never can win. Use your mentality, wake up to reality...." I'm sure stories like this go back to the beginning of time, and will continue on well after I am gone. I'm just not sure why. We all have the capacity to make the right decisions. For the most part, we know what we should do in situations such as this....but it doesn't always work out that way. All I know is, this is a subject for a lengthier post somewhere down the line.
7. Loving the Alien- Velvet Revolver. I always dug this song, but never could have told you the name of it until this morning.
8. Do Me a Favour- Arctic Monkeys.
9. One Night in Bangkok- Murray Head. I think I like the extra long intro more than I like the song.
10. Baba O'Riley- The Who. Also known as Teenage Wasteland to those who aren't fans of The Who. I have always absolutely loved this song, but I need to skip though it because it doesn't sound the same with only one ear bud in. Some songs you need to hear in stereo to get the full effect, and this is one of them.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Morning Music 3/16/09
x
If....You....Ask Me To
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Marketing
Friday, March 13, 2009
1,000,000
....I feel a million miles away, I don't feel anything at all.
Without being too over dramatic, this is about where I am right now. Tuesday is a huge day for me and I have been stressing about it for a while now. To combat that, I needed to shut down my emotions. This is my superpower, being able to do this.
Until yesterday, I had been working on a project the likes of which the world has never seen. OK that may be a little much, but it was quite an effort for me to get this done. To do this project, I needed to tap deep into my emotions and couldn't shut them out until all the work was finished early yesterday.
Last night I suggested a friend go here and download the latest CD from Nine Inch Nails. The band has offered this as a FREE DOWNLOAD so there is no reason not to get it and listen to it at least once. This is not really what I would call a "concept album", but the songs are arranged the way they are with great purpose. I suggest you listen to it from beginning to end in one sitting to best experience The Slip.
After making the suggestion last night, I figured The Slip would make a great Friday morning CD, especially considering the lyrics up top here from the song 1,000,000. I didn't really need any motivation this morning, but it's always great to listen to NIN. Yesterday I said that Bob Dylan could do no wrong in my eyes. Trent Reznor is very much the same to me.
I've heard the two compared before and while it's not a comparison I would make, I guess I am kind of OK with it. I've said plenty of times that Conor Oberst is the closest thing I've heard to Bob Dylan since Dylan himself, but I put Reznor on the same level as Dylan and not below him as I do Oberst. Add to that the fact that the brilliance of Reznor is much different than that of Dylan, and I am just not comfortable in saying that Reznor is like Bob Dylan. It may be petty of me to be bothered by the fact that it's just the wording of the statement I have a problem with, but considering these two men are the pinnacle of lyricism to me....I don't have a problem being petty about it.
OK. Coming back from that tangent now, where I had intended to go was to say that I am constantly amazed by the way Reznor expresses feelings. The song Echoplex is a great example. It follows the biggest mainstream song (Discipline) on the album, and that's always a tough place to fit a song. This song doesn't back down or lose any value following the big hit, and in just four lines says something I have known and felt for many years, but could never find the right words to express.
I'm safe in here
irrelevant
just like they said
my voice just echoes off these walls
I consider myself somewhat of a wordsmith, but I could never come up with something like this on my own. Sixteen words. A truly insignificant amount, with an infinite reach. I can't think of anyone I know that this hasn't applied to at least once in their life. It's gems like this that always leave me wanting more NIN.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Morning Music 3/11/09
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
My iPod Has a First Name....
X
Monday, March 09, 2009
Saturday, March 07, 2009
You've Been....Thunderstruck
Waking her up from her long winter's nap is never easy. It takes a little work, and a lot of patience. I actually began the process on Thursday because I knew I wanted to ride yesterday. Normally I wouldn't have done that, but this year someone turned off the power to my battery tender....back in early November. I knew the weak battery would not be able to hold up if I tried to get her started right away.
I'm not gonna lie, I was a little shaky when I first got her on the road yesterday. It didn't last very long though. Just outside my neighborhood there is a private drive that is somewhat twisty. Most of the buildings there are associated with the auto industry, so you really don't have to worry about traffic right now. I always warm up for a ride by taking that "shortcut" to the main road. She handled the twists better than I did, but then again she is a crazy bitch. I swear she can only say one thing, and that's "I wanna go fast".
On one of the turns I dove in pretty deep, since I was doing twice the posted speed limit of 35 mph, and felt my laptop shift in my backpack. After the turn I immediately backed off the throttle, then started laughing at myself. I am fine risking the damage to my bike if I lay down in a turn at that speed. I have no qualms putting my flesh and bone on the line in a turn like that. But heaven forbid I do anything that might hurt my precious laptop, the cheapest and easiest of the things mentioned to fix and/or replace.
It was good that I went through the twists to warm up a bit on the way to school, because less than 1/2 a mile later....emergency stop. An oncoming vehicle turned left in front of me, not seeing me until I was almost touching her fender. Thankfully I take it a little slower than normal around traffic on an early season riding day like yesterday. I know that no one expects to see bikes this early cause they are still kind of in winter riding mode. Even though I was pretty much ready for anything, she turned so late and my stop had to be so quick, that I locked up my rear which then fishtailed a bit on me. Thankfully that area of the road was dry.
Once stopped I yelled and made some gestures with my throttle hand as I downshifted back to first, and she just shrugged her shoulders at me. I guess getting to the Olive Garden was just that important to her. I wonder what her waitress was wearing. Probably basic white and cotton, but maybe it was silk, maybe something really cool that I don't even know about....
The rest of the night was really uneventful. At school we had an in-class essay, which I believe I rocked, and spent way too much time going over what will be on our quiz when we come back from spring break. I made sure to take the long way home and took Black Betty up through the twists twice more, at a slower speed this time because it was dark, because I know it'll be at least another week or two before I have her back on the road again.
Today, a thunderstorm as the cold weather moves back in. But the early taste of spring has me giddy anticipating the coming change of seasons. Tonight we lose an hour for daylight saving time, so there's no turning back now. Right?
Friday, March 06, 2009
Midnight Madness
I'm exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Totally spent, yet I forge ahead for just a bit longer.
I'm in one of those "whoa is me" moods tonight. I should amend that and say I have been in one of those moods lately. I've had a few balancing forces to keep me on an even keel, but I know it's only a temporary fix. A band-aid. Sweeping it under the rug. The problem remains, but if it's out of sight then it's just as good as out of mind.
I'm not worried. I know that in about a week's time I will just be shutting down all emotion anyway. I have to if I hope to do well out there. I'll be fine then, but right now I want to be human. I want to feel the ebb and flow of emotions. I want to be happy, sad, excited, overwhelmed, and the rest of this emotional cocktail I've been dealing with for a while now. I want to feel this all while I have a chance.
No matter what, I will come back from my trip a different person....but I get to be me just a bit longer. I like the 'me' I've seen around here lately, it's definitely been a good run, so I'm going to take advantage of it while I still can.
Random Songs 03-06-09
Thursday, March 05, 2009
St Jimmy
Something caught my attention at school on Tuesday and even though it was applicable, it was not the onion booty. I saw a flyer posted for a school sponsored creative writing contest. The last couple months that is the only kind of writing I can do. My English professor is having fits about that actually. She really likes the way I write, but cannot stand the fact that I tend to stray off the path of the assignment. Actually straying is the wrong word. Sometimes I jump right off the path immediately and blaze my own.
So even though I am running late for class the other day, I stopped to check out this flyer. I was very interested as I read over it, until I saw the due date. March 3rd. Yep, submissions needed to be in by that afternoon. I was like 30 minutes past the deadline already. Oh well, guess I will just have to keep an eye out at school for the winning submission and see how it stacks up to my writing. I kinda hope it's a lot better than something I would write for a contest, that way it wouldn't matter that I didn't get one in. If it's not, I will be unreasonably harsh on myself for walking past that cork board all semester and not noticing the flyer sooner.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Dark Side of the Morning
While I begin the day on the dark side at least 5 days out of the week, I am definitely a child of the sun. The pigment in my skin illustrates this in the warmer months, easily bronzing if I spend any time at all outside. This is a nod to my father's Native American heritage, which I appreciate much more than the easily burned skin associated with my mother's Irish background.
Being a creature of the sun I like to shine as brightly as I can, as often as I can. Not in an overpowering, attention seeking way...but in a way that can be appreciated by many, even if it goes unnoticed. Whether it's smiling at a stranger who briefly looks up from their feet as they walk toward me or cracking a silly joke to a coworker who is having a bad day, I like to spread the shine I hold within me. But like anything other than the sun, including the moon which looks so beautiful at times because it reflects the shine of the sun, I also have a dark side.
I am a very balanced person in almost every regard, and my dark side is no exception. As brightly as I can shine at any given moment, I also have a drastic dark side to maintain the balance. I have this dark side completely under control nowadays, and never let anyone see much of it at all. Yet it remains.
Sometimes I am thankful for my dark side. I can tap into it for creative purposes, or it can give me great perspective by showing me how bad things could really be in a given situation. I'd have to guess that anyone who is as much of an optimist as I am must have a very controlled, yet very dark side. No good without evil, no right without wrong, and no light without dark.
While this album, which I regard as one of the top three most important albums in history, is not really dark, the title kind of stuck out to me this morning. It's been a while since I gave it a good listen, so here it is helping me get through the morning. Helping me transition from the darkest part of my day to the brightest.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
The One With the Letter
Spoiler: I hate to be a tease (well, not really), but I probably won't say anything about it again after this.
I'm (not so) Wide Awake It's Morning
Connor Oberst always has some words of wisdom for me, even though he's a little more than 3 years younger than me, so I turned to I'm Wide Awake It's Morning by Bright Eyes today to get going. I'd say this is my second favorite of his works, with Cassadaga being my favorite, but it has a few songs that I really want to listen to right now, with Lua being at the top of that list.
Dream Commute
This is how I got to work in a dream I had last night, although I definitely was not wearing a helmet, and I don't think I was wearing anything like the suit that makes this all possible.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Cause I Had a Bad Day....
After I get around the slow people as I leave my neighborhood, I take the turn onto a Ford Rd and traffic is jammed before I even get off the ramp. I know full well that the people who live around me can't drive, but it doesn't often lead to a major traffic jam because of an accident. At least I got a decent picture of the day out of it.
Somehow I got to class just before it started, picked up my quiz (the second one I did NOT get an A on in that class), and was a contributing member of the class like normal. I just had no desire to be there, or in the class afterward.
Now it's time to wrap up this, my third post of the day, and hit the hay. I never got out one of the posts I had planned for today, so tomorrow might be another multiple post day. Stay tuned.
PS: This post actually went up Tuesday morning because as I was finishing it up, my laptop refused to connect to my wireless network, even though my desktop was working on it just fine. Gotta love irony.
Scatterbrained
First, an observation. The Pistons have strung together two victories for the first time in quite a while from what I can recall. Two road victories at that, Against Orlando and Boston. Even though Boston was without KG, we are still the first Eastern Conference team to beat them at home this year. Iverson has been out the last two games, and Rip is back in the starting lineup. He has scored 56 over those two games. Now I don't mind having the dilemma of three solid, near all-star caliber guards to choose from on the team, but maybe this is not just a coincidence. I respect AI's game and believe he is still a great talent, but I am not so sure he is really the linchpin this team needs. He is certainly nowhere near as good of a fit for team chemistry as Chauncey was.
Until Friday night, every game I had watched since the trade just didn't resemble Piston basketball to me. Most nights it seemed that the team hadn't even practiced for the game. It was all very sloppy, and kinda like a pick-up game. We have some great talent on this team, but as we showed the Lakers in 2004 (yes, five years ago now), having the most talent on the court is not a guarantee to win. I attributed the apparent lack of preparation to the coaching staff, but after watching the team play with Rip in the starting lineup, maybe The Answer is to have AI come off the bench. Something needs to be addressed, and quickly. The playoffs are fast approaching, and we are a .500 team. After 6 years of making it to the Eastern Conference Finals, we are on the verge of completely missing the playoffs.
So watching the basketball game at home pretty much describes my Friday night, well that and being jealous that I had some friends in Chicago for the weekend and I was stuck at home. Saturday wasn't much different than Friday, except it was watching the Wings get BLOWN OUT in Nashville (which is in Kentucky I guess when I get angry and complain about hockey) and I wasn't at home all night because Mark and I actually left the house for a few hours. We had planned to meet up with four friends at a bar that another friend works at, but no one else showed....not even our friend who was supposed to work that night. After one for me, and two or three for Mark, we headed to Xochilmilco's to get some real Mexican food. Unfortunately it wasn't as good as usual, but it still beat any other Mexican option around here that I know of.
After Xochi's, Paul came over and played a little XBox while we talked and I made sure he didn't steal my Criminal Procedure book. Got a few texts from my friends in Chicago which really made me regret not being out there, then went to bed a lot later than I should have.
Yesterday I did something I never would have done before the economy hit the fan....I turned down going to dinner at Melting Pot. It was hard to say no when Denise called and asked if I wanted to go, but staying in with pizza to watch Old School and Talladega Nights seemed the smarter option for me.
I retired early last because I had a couple people to catch up with, and were better to do that than in the friendly confines of my always comfy bed? One person never answered the phone, and the other kept me up past my bedtime again over IM. After a couple hours of restless sleep in which I was constantly talking aloud to my dogs for some reason, I rolled into work a little tired. Hopefully when I get out of here I will have enough juice to make it to the gym, instead of crashing for a nap before class tonight.